Fairy Princess Holly

Walk for Animals

2011-03-14T09:20:00.004-05:00

Most of you know I have a passion for animals and their welfare. I'll be walking in the Walk for Animals again this year. It's my 17th year doing this, and it's one of my favorite days of the year. It's really a lot of fun, and makes me feel good to give back to this charity. I got my first puppy at the Animal Humane Society in Golden Valley, MN in June of 1983. Misty was my best friend growing up, and honestly she raised me more than my parents ever did. When I moved out, I bought a house so Misty would have a yard because I couldn't leave her behind with my mom. She was the reason I've still to this day never lived in an apartment. I couldn't live anywhere she couldn't go. She was my girl, and we were inseparable from when I was 11 until she died when I was nearly 28.

If you want to sponsor me, follow the link here. I know it's a tough economy, so don't feel obligated. I appreciate every little bit. Thanks for reading.

Hug your pets.

Cooper

2011-03-12T12:35:00.003-06:00

It's been a trying few weeks at the Princess Holly household.

On Feb 24th, I woke up at 5:00, and didn't immediately notice anything unusual. I brushed my teeth and got ready to hit the treadmill. As I left my bathroom, I realized the cat meowing at me was Trinket. Cooper is usually the one who want to remind me that he's STARVING and MUST be fed immediately if not sooner. I knew instantly something was wrong. I called Cooper and there was no response. I woke up Nick and told him something was wrong, but he thought I was being dramatic. My stomach had a knot in it while I looked and called for him.

I finally found him down on the main level laying on Sunshine's bed. I raced over to him and picked him up. He started purring and I sighed from relief. He seemed fine. I set him down so I could feed them, and he crumpled to the floor. He was paralyzed in his back legs.

I immediately went into panic mode. I told Nick we had to get him to the emergency vet. I called the U of M emergency vet and told them what was going on. They asked his age and breed. I told him he's 7, and a Ragdoll. They said to bring him in right away.

I sped to the U and was there within 20 minutes. When I arrived they came running out to me, asked if this was the Ragdoll, I said yes, and they scooped him out of my arms, and ran with him. About 5 minutes later they called me into a room. It was an empty exam room with nothing but a box of Kleenex. This isn't my first time with an animal emergency, and I know the room with the tissues isn't where you hear good news. A very sweet, young vet told me that Cooper had a femoral embolism. He threw a blood clot to the femoral artery, which supplies blood to his hind legs. He had no pulse in either leg, they had cut one of his toe nails, and it wasn't bleeding. His hind legs were cold. She went on to say this is fairly common in Ragdolls, and wasn't anything we could have prevented or known about. She said the prognosis for him was very poor, and only about 10-15% of cats survive. She also said, this is an indication of heart disease, so if he did survive, he likely has some heart issues. She went on to say that most cats they see with this are down and out, and Cooper was sitting up and alert, so that was a good sign. She recommended they give him heparin therapy to try to dissolve the clot to restore blood flow to his rear legs, they were going to give him some pain meds, and see how he responds. She told me she was going to go get Cooper before they started the heparin so I could say good-bye to him. She brought him in, all wrapped in a blanket. He was purring, and sweet, but you could tell he wanted to get out of there. I petted him, and talked to him. Snapped a couple photos with my iphone. I refused to say good-bye to him. I told him to be a good boy and I'd see him later. With that, the vet took him from me. He was taken to the ICU for his treatment, and I was told to go home and they would call me in a few hours.

I got home, decided to workout on the treadmill because I needed to relieve some stress. I had called work to tell them I'd be late, so I was in no particular hurry. I took a shower, and was heading into my office at about 10:00, when I received a phone call from Cooper's cardiologist. (yes, at this point, my cat has a cardiologist) She told me that the news wasn't good. Cooper was in congestive heart failure as well as his embolism. She was very kind and soothing, and answered all my questions. She told me to come in at 3:00 to further talk about Cooper and his options, and prognosis.

I arrived at the U of M at 3:00. There was a large manly woman who came out and told me what a good boy Cooper was. She had been one of his ICU nurses, and was madly in love with him. She brushed him and comforted him much of his stay there. She brought me into a room and went to go get Cooper. He looked disheveled, had part of his hair shaved off, and smelled like urine. He had peed on himself, because he had no control of his hind legs. I felt terrible seeing him in this condition. The cardiologist came in. She was very pretty in an unusual way. She had an accent I couldn't quite identify, and spoke slowly, and very articulately. She explained that Cooper would require lifelong meds for his heart. I asked if they put cats on Lasix, like they do humans. She said that's precisely what they were putting him on, along with aspirin to help keep clots down. She told me his echo-cardiograph showed another clot in his heart and he could throw it at any time. She said that most cats regain some use of their limbs after an embolism because their veins reroute around the blockage to resupply blood to the muscles, however if he didn't regain his hind legs it would prove fatal. She told me his short term prognosis was good because I was willing to try with the meds and physical therapy. His long term prognosis is poor, as most cats with heart failure live 6 months a year, occasionally 2 years. She was very patient and made sure I understood his prognosis. A small percentage >20% survive long term with meds. I'm hoping he's in that >20%.

I brought him home Thursday afternoon, and he wouldn't eat or drink. I syringed water into his mouth a few times an hour to make sure he remained hydrated. I got some high calorie vitamin gel and put it on his tongue along with baby food to try to keep his strength up. He had to lay on pee-pads because he couldn't use the litter box. It was awful and I questioned if I was doing the right thing for him, or if I was being selfish. I just felt I needed to give him a chance to beat this. I had faith he could, and he's such a sweet, kind hearted baby, I had to make sure he had every option.

I barely ate or slept myself. Friday I had to go to work, and of course I was a basket case. I got home, and there wasn't any improvement. His feet were still cold, and he was still paralyzed. The ER vet said if it was coming back it would do so within 24-48 hours. I was scared he would remain paralyzed. He still wouldn't eat or drink, and I felt awful. I bought him a rotisserie chicken to try to coax him into nibbling on some food, but he wasn't having any of it.

Saturday, he seemed to be able to move his hind right leg, and it seemed to be warming up. Not a lot, but a little bit. I turned my back for a couple minutes and I thought Cooper had scooted to the litter box. I wasn't positive, but someone peed in it, and Trinket won't use an uncovered box. We took the cover off so we could hold him in there to go potty. Later I saw him scoot a few feet. His hind right was regaining a tiny bit of use! And he started eating canned cat food! This was amazing progress as far as I was concerned.

Sunday, he was hobbling on his hind right leg. Cooper was acting more himself and I couldn't be more pleased with his progress! He continued to improve as the week progressed, and by Tuesday or Wednesday his hind left foot was warm again, too. I was hopeful maybe that would come back as well.

Thursday he had his recheck at the U. It took 2 hours, not because they ran a lot of tests, but because he had quite a social life to tend to. Everyone in Emergency, ICU and Cardiology remembered him and wanted to see him. He rolled on his back and begged for belly rubs, and purred so loud they had trouble hearing his heart. Everyone commented that he is practically a dog in cat's clothing. The doctor was pleased with his leg, and overall recovery, but warned me that he still has a clot in his heart.

So that's where we stand now. It's been 2 1/2 weeks. Cooper has full use of 3 legs and 1/2 use of his hind left. It's warm now, and he still needs to regain motor function. He can't quite control the foot, but can put weight on it. Today he jumped onto a chair for the first time since his embolism, so it was good to see. He's going to be on blood thinners and heart meds the rest of his life, which I hope is a long time.

I'm really grateful that I had health insurance on him. I use VPI, for all my pets and it's proven worthwhile for me. His bills so far are $1690, and it gives me some relief to know that about 80% will be covered. If you have pets, I highly recommend pet insurance.

Thanks for reading, and hug your pets for me.

Holly

Matty's visit

2011-02-23T22:37:00.008-06:00

I took one bite of my grilled cheese, and the crumbs fell this way. I didn't touch them at all. Weird isn't it?? Matty and I were thinking of starting our own cult...I mean church based on the smiley crumbs.

Matty and I at Duplex for lunch before my company holiday party. Try the poutine, you won't be sorry.

Me through the water globe
Matty through a glass globe. Makes me laugh

Matty and me with a dinosaur.

Shenanigans at the Gift shop after the King Tut exhibit at the MN Science Museum. We had so much fun that day. I love the Science Museum!
Turkeys crossing the street in Northeast Minneapolis. They were huge!
A "Malted Cristo" at Three Squares. It's a Monte Cristo with a waffle, and an ancho-berry dipping sauce. It's sweet, spicy, salty, and savory. SO good!
Matty and Sunshine. She adored him from the moment she laid eyes on him, which is amazing because she was abused and is very skittish of everyone
Matty and River
Something I found at Target that made me laugh

Yeah, we were sitting together tweeting at one another...it's how we do.

Nieman's will apparently let anyone in these days...
Shenanigans at Neiman Marcus

Me, Mary and Matty

Matty and Mary Tyler Moore

Men's room at Hell's Kitchen. I always assumed they both had halos...guess the boys get mustaches. :)
Women's restroom at Hell's Kitchen. Love the halo, always makes me laugh
OMG Inc! Totally makes me laugh still!
Matty at Nickelodeon Universe
Kind of how I view most of humanity.
This mobile that was hanging I'm going to classify as art because I liked the balance between order and chaos that it shows.
This one is bullshit because it's basically tape spelling out words, but art because the message seemed to fit.
Weird rhinestone buck. Awesome in a bizarre way. It wasn't bullshit.
Me and "art", I kinda wish I would have bought those magnets at the Walker gift shop.
Some of the art at the Walker. I actually liked this. If you know me, you'll know why this speaks to me. We played a little game of "Art or Bullshit" at the gallery. Know what? There's a lot of bullshit, but it was fun. Apparently, they hire judgmental hipsters at the Walker. I was yelled at twice by the staff. Once because I opened up Twitter (of course I did) and there were no photos allowed in this part of the museum, and the creep hipster thought I was taking a picture, and once because my Walker tag wasn't displayed. (I had it in my pocket because there was no good place to put it on my outfit)
Matty and the Cherry Spoonbridge
We went to the sculpture garden at the Walker Art Center
Pretending to see the Justin Bieber movie. Oh well, made us laugh anyway.

Matty heading to the Mall of America
Nerds! Matty and I saw "Sanctum" in 3D
Breakfast at Keys with Matty.

Everclear

2011-01-29T01:24:00.000-06:00

I will never be safe, I will never be sane, I will always be weird inside, I will always be lame.......

They just sum it all up sometimes.

It's true.

2011-01-21T18:52:00.000-06:00

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

tags: best, life, love, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst

Whatever

2010-12-20T22:25:00.003-06:00

I feel like we talk and talk. And you say the right things, but they aren't genuine. They aren't the truth. You're not going to say a word, but stand by granting silent permission to crucify me.

A Confession

2010-10-24T17:44:00.001-05:00

I am not a perfect girl.
I am human too and will fail you often
I don't have hair that stays in place
I don't have the body of a supermodel
I am not calm, quiet, nor reserved
I won't always love you
I am a hypocrite
I won't agree with you
Irony loves me
Double-standards prevail
Don't say you love me to get on my good side

All I ask is that you HUG ME
I'm shy
Talk to me Be interested Be genuine
I'm a bitch
Fuck love
What I say goes
I'm sensitive
I am brutally honest
Don't lie to me
More than likely, I am smarter than you, and you know it
Protect me
I see right through you

I cry
Chocolate is my weakness
I'm artistic
Sometimes all I want is for you to hold me
I won't make it easy on you
I don't want to hear you like me
Honesty
I hate you I want you I love you
No one cares
I'm not a princess nor do I aspire to become one
I don't always say the right things
You are blind

Taken from an Unknown writer, but sums it all up.

My Grandparents

2010-10-01T20:33:00.003-05:00

These are my maternal grandparents Maxwell and Kathryn on their wedding day. It's just a picture of the original photo, but I love it. I know I'm biased, but they both look so beautiful to me, so I had to share it. They are 2 of the 3 people who have ever loved me unconditionally, and completely.

Grandma went by Kay. She graduated from St. Catherine's University in 1936. In her yearbook they wrote that she was "fiercely independent, she likes to read, and isn't very domestic". I guess I come by that stuff naturally. She was really smart and loved crossword puzzles. My Grandpa, Max adored her, and lucky for her, he loved her enough to do most of the cooking and housework. My Grandma was an English teacher and one of her students was Walter Mondale. They had 5 kids, my mother being the second oldest. Grandma had Alzheimer's disease the final 8 years of her life, and died of breast cancer December 13th, 1991. They were married 50 years. I still miss her.

Grandpa was a rural mailman, fought in WWII, and loved to golf. He is one of the kindest most gentle souls I've ever known. I can't remember him ever raising his voice at any of us kids...ever. (even when I peed the bed in his camper when I was 6) He's really good natured and has a great sense of humor. He's going to be 92 this November. He's truly the only person I really consider my family. I adore him.

All my best memories from my childhood are from when I was with my grandparents. They knew my parents "had problems" and really went out of their way to make sure I knew how much they loved me.

My trip to NYC

2010-09-26T22:02:00.037-05:00

My awesome Mary Poppins parrot umbrella. Love it!
Me and Matty post dinner. Fun is coming to an end. :(
Me and Matty in Little Italy
My last dinner with Matty view from the other side of the table.
My last dinner in NYC with Matty. :(
Me at the Hudson hotel...before I saw how tragic the room was.
The Hudson Hotel. Seriously, the worst hotel I've ever stayed in.
Look! A murder! Um....SMILE!
CSI NY
Eeeek! A murder!
Matty and Larry at El Centro...yeah we ate there twice. It was good.
Our last picture at the Waldorf before the chandelier went out in our lives. :(
Larry and chilequiles! Delicious. If you're ever at El Centro, get this!
Chandelier at El Centro. Cracks me up!
El Centro! I love the lamp!
I love this picture. It's me and Matty in Union Square. He fixes me when I'm broken.
Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man....with the bald man.
I love this picture. It's me in a Matty and Larry sammich. :) Also, we have yummy chocolate treats to share in Union Square. Fun times.
At Max Brenner...why didn't I get this chocolate syringe?????
Larry with caprioska
Lunch with my friend Mitch
Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity!
Matty and his treat at Serendipity
Larry and Serendipity treat.
Matty and Larry at Serendipity. Larry was sleepy-sleeps.
Giant menu at Serendipity!
This still makes me laugh. Larry, Matty and the DILF. Look at the guy's horrified expression on his face. Cracks me up!
Matty under the chandelier....yeah I know. We had fun with the chandelier. It was funny.
Larry under the chandelier.
Matty and me under the chandelier on day 1
The toilet chandelier at the Waldorf Astoria
Larry Klye and the infamous Peach Infused Vodka at Vlada
Larry Klye at Vlada on Day 1

Here are some of my pics from my trip to NYC last week. I had so much fun, and I miss Matty and Larry like crazy. I love them both so much.

Sick of the shit. Warning, this post is a rant. Explicit language to follow.

2010-08-12T22:29:00.004-05:00

You always get bad news on a weekend when you can't do anything about it. So last Saturday I got 2 letters from MN Unemployment Insurance accusing me of fraud. Two counts of fraud to be specific, and 2 penalties which add up to 40%. As it turns out, my case was audited by the state, and when asked about my earnings in January, the old Diamond Mine (who's real name I'm SOOOOOO fucking tempted to use) filled out the papers wrong. It said "To aid in the detection of possible unemployment insurance fraud, MN Stat. 268.186(b) requires employers to provide a weekly breakdown of an applicant's gross earnings when requested. Employers must provide wages earned Sunday to Sunday as indicated whether or not their payroll period is different. Please provide the wage information requested below for the applicant listed. Thank you in advance for your assistance in ensuring the integrity of Minnesota's unemployment insurance program. Please be advised that Minnesota Law provides for a $100 penalty if you do not provide the information in the manner requested and within 10 days of the mail date above.

So, the weeks I didn't work at all, but received my vacation pay, (which I disclosed to the State of MN when I filed for unemployment) they listed that I was working not just receiving pay previously earned....um that ISN'T what the state was looking for, and now they think I worked for another month longer than I did. The douchebag who filled it out, (Steve) didn't work there when I did, and since then, the company has filed bankruptcy, so it's not even the same company. After filling out everything wrong, this idiot has the balls to write, "Note: this payroll information was taken from the records for "DiamondMine Corporation" which is no longer in business." Ok, so basically you did NO research into it, and just put whatever fucking answer you felt like...and I get charged with fraud. Nice. Really nice.

So I called the State on Monday morning after stressing out over it all weekend, and Carol at MN UE, was really nice and told me that this wasn't my fault at all, that my employer filled out the paperwork wrong and I should have no problem appealing it and winning. I appealed it, and get this: I had to appeal and receive a hearing with a judge for EACH charge of fraud and each penalty. I have a total of FOUR hearings. What a bunch of bullshit. Seriously.

So I called the old Diamond Mine and spoke with Steve thinking that if I can get him to fix the paperwork and send it back to the state, I could avoid the 4 hearings. He said he went off the payroll records. I told him I didn't work there then. He said he would check my time card. I told him I was salary. His response then was that I should ask Grumpy or Dopey to sign an affidavit that I didn't work there past 12/30/09. I called Grumpy and of course she always is a delight to deal with. She said that since I already appealed, she'd wait until the state sent her paperwork and fill it out right this time. Uh...my point, which I reiterated to her several times in the course of the conversation, was to NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH FOUR MOTHER FUCKING HEARINGS TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT! So as usual, she was of no help. So, I have a hearing August 24 at 2:15, August 25 at 10:45 and 2:15 and August 26 at 8:15. What a pain in the ass.

I guess what makes me mad is that I didn't have any chance to defend myself. I've been convicted based on what these idiots wrote, and now have to appeal to try to prove my innocence after the fact. It makes me mad that their incompetence has screwed me over one more time. It makes me mad that I have a great job, and this company won't go away and leave me along. Let me live my life without ever having to deal with them again, and I'll be happy. And you wonder why they went bankrupt when this is their attention to detail? Ugh.

I wonder what the legality of it is...can I sue them? I'm not a litigious person, but I feel I'm owed some damages, goddamn it. I feel they should owe me some punitive damages for defaming my character like that. Also, at this point after the last 9 1/2 years of misery, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I want to sue them and be the nail in their coffin. I'm not sure I have a case, but if people can sue McDonald's and win because they weren't smart enough to know hot coffee is...HOT, then I feel this is definitely something with more merit than that.

Better pics of the Parthenon

2010-06-23T23:17:00.006-05:00

The Parthenon. It really is pretty cool.
Jeff at the Parthenon
Holly at the Parthenon

Super Cheesy stuff I did in Nashville

2010-06-23T22:41:00.013-05:00

The Parthenon. So...Nashville is "The Athens of the South" and apparently, having the only life sized replica of the Parthenon in the world secures this nickname. It was really cool....the rest is quite a lot more low-brow, but in my opinion equally cool in a cheesy, craptastic way!
Cooter's Towtruck. So yeah...we went to the Dukes of Hazzard Museum. Yep. Sure did! And it WAS fantastic!
Rosco P. Coletrain's squad car
The General Lee. You could get your pic taken inside all the cars for $9.99.
Daisy Duke's Jeep "Dixie"
My favorite picture by far! Jeff sliding across the General Lee a la Bo Duke!
It's pretty cheesetastic!
Coworker Tomfoolery.
Yes. It's called "Cooter's Place" for real! Isn't that Awesome?
Don't even pretend you're not jealous that I got to see the General Lee. Seriously? Hysterical!

Security Blanket

2010-06-19T23:19:00.004-05:00

When I was a very little girl, I had a security blanket. I called it my "night-night blanket". It was a dingy, yellow, satiny material that at one point, when it was new, had duckies on it. I adored that blanket. I loved to rub the silky material on my cheeks, and I snuggled it around my pillows while I sucked my fingers, when I went to bed or took a nap. I took it to the day care, and anywhere else I went.

When I was 5 years old, my brother Pat got married. He was the youngest of that group of my father's children. I was a flower girl in his wedding, and had a very fashionable (at the time) bowl haircut much like Joy in the "Bugaloos". While traveling across country, naturally I brought my night-night blanket with on the trip. A girl needs her security blanket more when she's sleeping in a strange bed, you know.

One night we stayed in a hotel somewhere in New Mexico. We were in a hurry the next morning for some reason, maybe we were running late to get to a rehearsal or something. The details are sketchy in my mind now, as details tend to get over time. I remember my mother scurrying about to pack our things. I remember we were all tense. We checked out of the hotel, and continued on our journey. When we arrived at the next stop, no doubt 500+ miles away, and unpacked our things in the next hotel, my night-night blanket was gone. LEFT BEHIND at the last hotel!! It was disastrous to me. I was devastated and lost. What the hell was I supposed to do with out my blanket? My mother tried to substitute a slip she had that was of a similar silky material, just until we could get my blanket back. We called the previous hotel, and they checked the room. The hotel manager assured my parents that he had my night-night blanket and would ship it to our house. What a relief!

When we got home, there was a box from the hotel. Thank heaven! My blanket! My mother opened the box and pulled out a cheap, dingy, knit, blue, twin-sized blanket. THIS WAS NOT MY BLANKIE! And it was someone else's dingy, dirty, blanket. Even at 5 years old I was repulsed by the thought of it.

You may ask why I tell this story now as a 38 year old woman. Well, I realized yesterday that we never outgrow our need for a security blanket. They aren't as obvious as my old night-night blanket, but they're most definitely the same emotional crutch.

You see, yesterday, my iPhone Oz died. He had some health issues in the recent past, and yesterday despite a valiant effort to stay alive until 6/24 when my new iPhone 4 comes in, he grew too weary to continue on. In the middle of a Keith and the Girl podcast, Oz went silent from my right back pocket. I assumed his silence meant I was receiving a phone call. Maybe Matty was calling from his roadtrip or something. The silence just remained silence....no ringtone. Nothing. I pulled Oz out and poked the home button. No response. I held home/power to do a hard reboot. He was unresponsive. I panicked. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I was at the Mall of America, so I hurried to the Apple store in hopes that they could somehow resuscitate him. I spoke with an adorable little Twink Apple genius. He was very kind and gently took Oz in his hand. He plugged him into a power source. Oz displayed the Apple logo. The TwinkGenius asked permission to take Oz's screen off and look inside. (last week an awful kid knocked Oz out of my hand while walking at the mall, and Oz feel on marble tile really hard. It split his case open and made his SIM card pop out...the kid nor parents apologized or bothered stopping)

The TwinkGenius came back with a grave look on his face. Oz was gone. There was no saving him. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore, and needed to rest now. He had been trying for the last week to go, and I kept willing him to say with me just a little while longer. He would try to power down when I opened an app, and randomly turned on and off his ringer. On his last day, he took to crackling and sounding like I was walking on bubble wrap. I think Matty knew Oz was dying way before I was willing to accept it. Oz's death struck me like a blow to the stomach. Now what would I do? ALL MY FRIENDS WERE IN OZ! I had nobody's number, and suddenly felt really isolated and alone. Not only did my iPhone die, but so did all my friends and relatives. I tweeted from a MacBook Pro in the Apple Store that Oz didn't make it. I had to somehow contact people.

I asked the TwinkGenius what to do. He said Oz wasn't under warranty (duh...he's 2 years old) and to replace him, it would be $200 and I would be ineligible for my upgrade in a week when my iPhone 4 came.

I walked around the mall trying to gather my thoughts because honestly, I was beside myself. What was I going to do for the next 6 days? I have to travel to Nashville for Utopia Inc on Monday. I had to be connected. I need my email. My contact info for my coworkers who were going on the trip with me. I NEEDED MY DAMN TWITTER! Jeez! I was freaking out. Big time. How will I be okay for a week with NO iPhone? I don't remember how I lived without Oz's constant companionship, and frankly, I don't want to find out what it was like....it's a life I don't want to lead.

I went to the AT&T store and an adorable hipster kid named Moses helped me. I ended up buying a new 16 gig 3G(S) for $150 to use for the next 6 days. I have 3 lines on the account, so I used my friend Susan's upgrade, so I can still get my new phone next Thursday. If you ask me, it was well worth it. I feel much better about going on my trip, as I was worried to travel with Oz in his compromised state. When I get my new phone, I'll either keep this one as a back up, or use it as an iPod Touch, or sell it. I'm leaning toward keeping it as a back up. You know the glass on front and back of the iPhone 4 will break at some point, and the new phone will have to go into the doctor.

So, I learned a lesson. We all have a security blanket of some kind. Maybe several. I carry a water bottle with me at ALL times. I might get thirsty, but I mostly just like to know it's there even if I don't use it. Same with Oz. I like knowing he was with me. At my service. Ready to IMDB that familiar looking actress when watching tv, or Shazam that song I liked so I can buy it later. I know I'm anthropomorphizing Oz. I know. But he was more human than most people I know. He was smarter. More useful. More helpful. A more true friend. RIP Oz. I hope you're in a good place. You deserve it.

What's your security blanket?

Grandpa

2010-05-31T20:19:00.005-05:00

This picture was taken in the summer of 2008. It's one of my favorite pictures of my Grandpa. It was taken at Lake Itasca.

Max's Graduation party pics

2010-05-31T20:09:00.008-05:00

Shenanigans.
My Grandpa and my remaining living aunts and uncle. My mother refused to be in the photo because she's mad at my aunt Mary Kay.
My Grandpa.
My cousin Max...the graduate.
Because this sign makes me laugh every time we pass it. I'm apparently 12 years old.
My favorite aunt Jean and my cousin Tina.
My adorable Grandpa and me.

Me and my Grandpa at Max's Graduation

2010-05-31T20:07:00.003-05:00

Why?

2010-05-08T09:32:00.001-05:00

Why do I keep getting Chinese written spam comments on my blog? You know they're selling Viagra from some online pharmacy or ink cartridges or something.

So....

2010-04-14T22:45:00.003-05:00

I got a job. It's the one I REALLY wanted, and I think I'll be really happy there. They have fantastic benefits, including PAYING me to walk. I signed up to get one of their fancy pedometers, and based on how much I walk, I can earn $500 tax free dollars per year as an incentive to stay fit. Um...yeah....that's a program I'm gonna ruin for everyone! They have discounted pet health insurance as a part of our benefits package, discounted Disney tickets, great 401(k), a massage therapist that comes in every other Thursday, (no joke--a MASSAGE AT WORK!!!) I got a brand new laptop, and don't have to run on OS Win98 anymore, and it's a really positive environment. My boss is really nice and laid back, which is so the opposite of what I've been used to working for Grumpy for the last 9 years.

I don't think I realized how incredibly unhappy I was at my old job until I got a new one. It's like night and day. They appreciate me here, treat me well, respect my opinion, and I barely know how to react to it.

Only downside is I realized how Excel spreadsheet challenged I am. I only know the very basics, and need to know more complex things, which kind of freaked me out. I actually got so scared, I got almost a mental block about it. It's ok, I'm working through it. I'm too pretty to know Excel, but I'm trying. ;)

Oh, hey...don't forget to sponsor my humane society walk for animals. My work will match what I sponsor, and I will be donating $1000, so be generous. Thanks! Love you.

As Always....

2010-03-24T16:04:00.002-05:00

I'm doing the Walk for Animals to benefit the Humane Society. You all know how important animals are to me, so this is what I do to help. Please consider sponsoring me if you can afford to. In this economy a lot of pets are losing their homes because their owners can't afford to care for them anymore. The system is flooded with pets, and the money is really needed. The top right of this page has a link to my Humane Society page. Thanks!

Really?

2010-01-25T22:00:00.001-06:00

I love diamonds as much as any girl, in fact I'm sure MUCH MORE SO! But, come on! This is obnoxious.

The unemployed have time to surf the net....

2010-01-25T00:59:00.003-06:00

So, Holiday Inn has "human bed-warmers" in England? I'd never believe it, but it's Rueters. It reads like it's out of The Onion. Check it out here for yourself. Honestly, I can't imagine who'd want to take them up on this. I want to pretend my hotel sheets are freshly laundered and I'm the only person who's been in them since the laundry. This may not be true, but let's humor me people. I'll bring my own human to the hotel to warm my sheets, thankyouverymuch!

Random Thoughts of the Unemployed

2010-01-25T00:31:00.005-06:00

1. When you don't have a job, your home is no longer the oasis it once was. It begins to feel like your prison.

2. Daytime tv is made for idiots. If you start with average intelligence, you'll soon be an idiot after a few episodes of Maury, Dr. Phil, and the likes.

3. The exception to #2 is Regis and Kelly. Especially if Anderson Cooper is filling in. Kelly is so funny, and makes Anderson delightfully uncomfortable. He is often the guest host on Fridays. Don't ask how I know this.

4. I will watch an episode of Wife Swap in it's entirety, even though that show is awful.

5. All the blue-haired old ladies at the mall on weekday mornings know each other. It's like a club, or cult...I'm not sure which.

6. It's very easy to lose your mind.

7. It's equally easy to lose your self worth.

8. The pets seem to enjoy having a full time maid.

9. It's nice having time to catch up on some reading and DVDs I've been wanting to watch.

10. God bless Lifetime for Will & Grace reruns. Some days it's the only time I smile.

11. As much as I complain about some of my coworkers, it's incredibly lonely at home all day.

12. I worry I'll be unable to find a job and end up working at McDonald's to the embarrassment of my friends and family.

13. In reality, even McDonald's would never hire me. I'm "over-qualified" and for that reason they know I won't stay long term.

14. I'm scared as hell.

15. I'm bored as hell.

16. I'm having some problems controlling my eating. I've been binging from stress & boredom.

17. I wish I could go back and tell that stupid 20-something year old to get her bachelors degree. A gemology degree, and a jewelry design degree are the same exact thing as NO degree. Idiot.

18. Part of me just wants to use the job loss as a reason to move away and start a new life.

19. It's nice not having to worry if I have to get up early to deal with snowy roads. The answer is always no. I can roll out of bed at the crack of noon everyday if I feel like it. (but I'd miss Regis and Kelly) ;)

20. I don't like living in limbo. It's different limbo than I was living in before worrying if I'd get laid off, but not less stressful. Just different.

21. I don't want to whine, be negative, or be a burden to anyone. But I'm failing at that.

Comfortably numb

2010-01-24T00:32:00.004-06:00

Well, I've settled into unemployment. I try to leave the house daily to battle the depression. Most days I succeed, some days I fail miserably. I've become a regular mall-walker. Weird, but it gets me out of the house for a change of scenery, and a bit of exercise. I've been doing the treadmill daily, in addition to several workout DVDs. Yoga, and Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I really enjoy the 30 Day Shred. It's a great workout.

I've sent out several resumes, and haven't heard boo back from a single one. It's a bit discouraging. I see a lot of morons out there with jobs, and I know I'm smarter than the average person by quite a bit, I just need to somehow make that come across on paper. I'm apparently not doing that effectively.

I went to see "The Lovely Bones" Tuesday, January 12th. It was a free movie that I got passes to on the internet. Nick wanted to see it, but ended up having to work (much needed) overtime. I called around, and nobody could go with me on 4 hours notice. That's pretty reasonable. I don't expect people to drop their lives to entertain me, and I'm certainly comfortable going to the movies alone; I do it often. For some reason this was suddenly a metaphor for my life. I had no friends, and nobody cared about me. I couldn't even lure anyone to a FREE movie with me. I suddenly was having a MAJOR pity party. I debated not going, but figured it's a free movie, and it gets me out of the house, so I better do it. I went to the mall where it was screening early to get in a little walk. I walked around and window shopped, and seemed to feel a little better. I went to Arby's (which I don't even like) to grab a quick bite to eat before the movie. While I was eating, a friend called to see if I found a movie date, and I lost it. I was now the girl at Arby's eating alone and crying on the phone to her friend. L-O-S-E-R! Big time. I was embarrassed of myself. I hate crying in public. I hate people looking at me with pity-face. I dried my tears and went to the movie. I was ok, but a lot of the movie seemed like the little girl who narrates it was kind of lonely...I mean she's dead, so that's lonely, right? Well, I didn't really care for the movie, but for some reason I cried a bit at the end. I doubt much of my emotion was caused by the movie, if any. As I was leaving, the tears streamed more, and more until by the time I was at my car I was full on bawling. Not just bawling, but hyper-ventilating and sobbing. I was the most alone I've ever felt. I was nothing to anyone. I had no value or worth whatsoever. I cried the entire 30 minute drive home. Nick thought I had lost my mind when I got home, and maybe I had. I wasn't sure, and didn't much care. That was my darkest day. I've been better since then, but I do still have my moments of depression.

About a month ago someone who I had always considered a friend lashed out at me in a really hurtful manner. It really caught me off guard, and tore me to shreds. It happened the week before I was laid off, and while it's clear by what he said to me a lot of it was him projecting a lot of his own issues onto me, it was still extremely hurtful coming from someone I always held as a friend. Sometimes people seem super nice on the outside, but it's a mask they are wearing. Sometimes in the end they turn out to be mean-spirited frauds who kick you in the teeth when you're already down. It was a good lesson for me, but a hurtful one. I guess that's life, right? It made me cherish the people who are my true friends more. You know who you are, and I love you. :) Thanks for all the support lately. I've needed it.

I guess my grandpa isn't doing well now. He just moved into an assisted living apartment after living independently for just over 91 years, but he seems to be going downhill rapidly. My grandpa has always meant the world to me. He's really been more of a parent to me than my mother or father ever were, and I really can't imagine my life without him. He wasn't well enough to make it to our family Christmas celebration last week, which was really sad for me. He was one of the only ones I wanted to see, to be honest. I'm going to make arrangements to go up and see him. He lives about 4 hours north of here, so I'm going to go on a little road trip, maybe next week. I hope he's the sweet, kind, grandpa I've always known, but I've been told to be prepared that he may not be. He's been lashing out at people, which isn't his nature, so I'm worried.

The other shoe

2010-01-03T18:18:00.002-06:00

Well, the other shoe finally dropped. I've been fearful of my company laying me off for about 1 1/2 years now, and Wednesday, December 30th my fear became my reality.

It's a mix of emotions. Relief, because I can't worry about it anymore. It's happened. Fear. What if I can't find a job? My degrees aren't exactly sought after. Yeah....a gemologist isn't someone that everyone is knocking down doors to employ in this economy. I fear I'll be living in a tent city before long. (I can hear Matty yelling at me that this isn't true...I know, Matty.) I fear I'll lose everything. In reality, I know this isn't true because I've been planning for my unemployment for a while now. We refinanced the house to a lower interest rate, and our payment lowered by about $350/month. I've been saving money in anticipation of my paycheck disappearing. Funny, my job cut me by 1 day a week at the beginning of the year, and still with 20% less income I managed to save a decent amount of money.

I've never been unemployed, and frankly it's really not good for your self esteem. It's kind of sad how much my job defined who I was as a person, and I'm not really sure who I am anymore. I'm not really sure I want to find out, either. I don't really care.

I think my biggest fear is of myself. I'm worried about me slipping away. Slipping into a depression I can't pull out of. I noticed myself getting depressed on my Fridays off that I've had for the last year. I forced myself to go out on my day off. Just to leave the house, because on the days I didn't leave the house, I didn't like where I was mentally. It makes me feel bad about myself. I'm not productive. My mind and soul go to dark places, and I don't want this to be who I am, or define me. I can feel the slip already happening. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to leave the couch. Everything is so hard. Except crying, that's easy.

Do yourself a favor

2009-12-09T20:24:00.001-06:00

http://www.sketchysantas.com/ Go check out this website. You'll be glad you did. It cracks me up!

Recap of Thanksgiving through now.

2009-12-09T19:52:00.006-06:00

We had Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday. I love the food, the parade, the black Friday newspaper. Everything. I just love it. We had a decent time, although this year was spent at a restaurant. It's never quite right to me at a restaurant. Nick's grandma didn't want to cook, so she wanted to go out to eat, even though I offered to cook. I "live too far away". It's 10 miles. Whatever. All in all it was more pleasant than I had anticipated it being, primarily because when we arrived at the restaurant, Nick's normally cranky and cantankerous Grandmother, was hitting the bottle and was half in the bag. Yes, folks the wine was flowing at Grandma's end of the table, causing me to rename the holiday "Drunksgiving". To be honest, Grandma is much more pleasant after a couple drinks. She works at a church, and in the 19 years I've known her, I've never even seen her sip an alcoholic beverage. I thought I had to be drinking to make her tolerable, but turns out she's fine if I'm sober and she's drunk. My liver thanks her. ;)

I went out shopping with Nick's cousin Kim and her daughter Jessica at midnight on Thanksgiving. I'll never do that again. Toys R Us is a mob scene and those people are nuts. I only went because Nick's aunt Bonnie wanted Zhu Zhu hamsters for her grandkids. We didn't get any, so we went to another store, and ended up shopping until about 6:00am the next morning, going out to breakfast and I got home at 7:00am. I had an all night shopping binge. Weird. As I was coming home, I noticed a slight scratch in my throat...

I came home, took a nap for a few hours, and got up to do a little more shopping. I wanted a new tv for the bedroom since our old one is 14 years old and has started making people look orange until it warms up for about 15 minutes. We found a nice 32" Sony Bravia for $379.99 which was the same as Best Buy had as a door buster, so we bought that, a wall mount, some HD cables, and headed to the GAP and bought me some uber-soft, comfy pajamas. It's good I bought these things, because massive illness ensued and I spent the next week and a half laying in bed in my new pajamas watching tv.

I ended up with what I like to affectionately call the "hotdog flu" mainly because Nick mostly wanted to offer to make me hotdogs while I was dying in bed. Literally too sick to get up and make my own food, I was sort of at his mercy. I was on bedrest from black Friday evening, and all weekend. I called in sick Monday, came in Tuesday and Wednesday to spread disease, then Thursday I took a turn for the worse. I felt awful. Fever, terrible cough, horrible headache, sinus issues, body aches that made me want to die. I actually slept through my alarm on Thursday, and called in and took a half day off to sleep. When I went in, it was clear I shouldn't have and I asked to take Friday off. I'm SOOOOOO glad I did.

Thursday night we had been invited to a VIP party for the reopening of Anemoni Sushi. It was the first time this person had extended an invitation to us, and we didn't want to turn them down, so I went even though I was dying with the hotdog flu. I took a nice disco nap after work so I would be somewhat awake for it. It started at 8:00, and we arrived at around 8:10. We ate drank and were merry, and I schmoozed with Sven Sundgaard our local weatherman. The food was good, and the people were very nice, so a good time was had by all, and we were really glad we went....until we left and got out to my car. The driver's side window had been smashed out, and they stole all my stuff. My GPS, iPhone FM transmitter/car charger, my iPod monster cable, and some other assorted things were all gone. They apparently took my canvas Trader Joe's bag to steal my things in. I'm such a conscientious victim to have provided my own bag for their convenience. So needless to say, it ruined a fairly nice evening. The driver's side window had been smashed, and glass was everywhere. The temp was about 20 degrees, so the 25 minute car ride home was REALLY cold. Ugh. Got home, put on my jammies, took some Robutussin and went to bed. (On a side note, if you get robbed in the city of Minneapolis, you have to fill out your own police report online. I wonder if I'm supposed to be pounding the pavement looking for my stolen property, too. Probably. I've always thought the Minneapolis police are lackeys.)

I woke up at 4:00am the next morning BURNING UP! (and if you know me, you know I'm ALWAYS cold) I was SO hot. I took off my jammies, and was laying in bed, in just my underwear. (black thong, since you asked) I was so sick. I'll spare you the details of specifically what happened, but we'll just say my stomach didn't feel well. I used my iphone to google window replacement companies from my bed, called and arrainged it, and spent the rest of the day hoping I'd just die and be at peace. Here we are almost two weeks after the start of this illness, and I've still got a cough and runny nose, but I'm a LOT better. I think I'm going to make it, after all.

Sweet Potato "Crap" Recipe

2009-12-01T22:21:00.001-06:00

Sweet Potato Casserole

1 large can sweet potatoes drained & mashed

1/2 stick of melted butter

2 eggs beaten

3/4c white sugar (but I only use about 1/3c because I think it gets too sweet)

2 tbsp cornstarch

1c milk

Dash of cinnamon

Mix all together well, bake in a greased casserole at 350* for 20 minutes. Remove, and add topping.

Topping

1c corn flakes

1/2c brown sugar

1/2 stick of butter

1/2c coconut

1/2c chopped nuts (I use pecans)

Heat and stir together to mix well. Take topping and sprinkle over the casserole. Return to the oven to bake for 20 more minutes. Enjoy!

Dairyland

2009-11-22T11:17:00.003-06:00

Dairyland Greyhound Racetrack in Kenosha, Wisconsin will be closing on
December 31, 2009. 900 Greyhounds need to be adopted or they will be
euthanized. Please help get the word out; there is only 6 weeks to get this
task done. If you are interested in adopting a greyhound, please call the Dairyland Greyhound Adoption Group at 262-612-8256.

I know that Greyhound Pets of America MN chapter will be getting a few of these dogs, and the number all depends on how many interested parties have put in adoption requests.

Greyhounds are wonderful, gentle pets, and really don't deserve the heartbreaking treatment they get, so please consider adding one to your family.

Run, Don't Walk!

2009-09-20T23:02:00.004-05:00

Run right over to tastyjewelry.com! Diane is having a big sale. 40% off everything until the end of September. All you have to do is use the code: fallfling in the "discount coupon" box and hit recalculate to receive your savings. Tell everyone you know!!!

Disclosure: I copied and pasted the entire thing from Walt's blog, because I'm lazy like that, but Diane is awesome and I'd like to promote her. :)

Austin

2009-08-22T00:29:00.002-05:00

I went to Austin for 5 days, and stayed with my friend Diane. I've been so stressed out over my job, the economy, etc for so long that I think I had forgotten how to have fun. My darling friends Diane, Walt, and Freddy reminded me. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that. (or drank like that) There were some moments I'm not terribly proud of....in fact I think AC/DC might actually sue Kicky LaRue and I for damages to their song. Drunk karaoke is a tragedy for everyone involved. Yikes.

We met a lot of people at the Salt Lick, and despite the food being strange, at best, I really enjoyed all the new fun friends I met. I was really happy that Mandie, Melanie, Joe, Jack, Kim, and Curt came out to see us. Several friends of Freddy's came, too, including Kay, his ex-wife that we've heard of for so long. I didn't get a chance to talk to everyone as much as I would have liked to, but I suppose that's what happens when there are so many people.

I'm really happy that Joe and Jack got a hotel and stayed in Austin so we could hang out with them a little more. They really are sweethearts, and so funny, too!

So, I know I've given the total Cliffs notes version, and maybe I'll revisit and write some more, but it's bedtime now. I was just smiling and thinking about how much fun I had, and had to write a little something.

Cooper

2009-05-31T11:33:00.003-05:00

As many of you may know, I've been kind of looking for a ragdoll cat. I think Trinket needs a companion of her own, and I've always liked the looks and personality of ragdolls. They are cats with puppy dog personalities, and that seems like something that would fit in with the rest of the menagerie.

Thursday I saw this guy on Petfinder.com and called about him. They had named him "Chatter" because he's a little bit of a talker, not bad, but he likes to tell you stories. Chatter had been found as a stray and picked up by a rural animal control. They kept him for whatever amount of time they do for their owners to claim them, but nobody ever did. Nor did anyone adopt him, which shocks me, because he's truly the most stunning cat I've ever seen. I guess it's "kitten season" so all the cute babies get adopted, and the adults are "throw away" animals. He was scheduled to be put down on Tuesday, May 26th, but lucky for him, and for me, a rescue came and got him out of the pound. Two days after his scheduled euthanasia I saw him on Petfinder, two more days after that, I made the 97 mile trip to Rochester MN to pick him up and now he's a member of our family.

I had filled out the adoption forms on Thursday night after I spoke with the person at Camp Companion who told me I was the first to inquire about him. I was told to try to be at the PetSmart at 10:00am because that's when he would be there and since he's so beautiful and a purebred ragdoll, they thought he would be adopted pretty quickly. So, I left my house at 8:15 Saturday morning to make the trip. I took Harvey's kennel so I had something to put him in if I did end up falling in love and adopting him. When I arrived at 9:57, I went over to the adoption area and saw a crowd of people around one of the little cages, and saw that inside that cage was Chatter. I went up to the adoption volunteer and asked to see Chatter. I was told that he was not up for adoption anymore, and that someone had finalized his adoption last night. In my mind I was thinking "Oh hell no! I didn't drive almost 100 miles to be told this...if I have to I'm snatching that cat and running for it!" I told her that I had put an application in on Chatter on Thursday, and was told I was first in line for him. She asked if I spoke with anyone on Friday. I said I hadn't. So told me that the adoption was finalized on Friday, so if I hadn't had any contact with them, that it was likely not going to be me adopting him, but she said she would call Michelle because she didn't know the name of the person they adopted him out to. So, of course they called Michelle and she didn't answer the phone. In the meantime I took Chatter into a visitation room to play with and pet him, only to find out that he's the biggest sweetie. One of the volunteers came up to me and said, "I still can't get a hold of Michelle, but I just remembered something she told me about the person who she is adopting him out to. Do you have dogs?" I told her I have two. She asked me what type I have, and I told her that I have a greyhound and a poodle/terrier mix. With that, I won the kitty lottery, because Michelle told her that he was going to a home with a greyhound! :) Yay me! So, I paid the $90.00 adoption fee for him, loaded him into his carrier, and headed out for my 1 1/2 hour drive home with him. He lived up to his name Chatter with the drive. He meowed constantly. After about an hour, I let him out of his carrier, and he rode in the car like a pro, and was nice and quiet.

We got home and I set him up with food and water, and a litter box in the basement, so he could settle in a little bit before being exposed to the whole gang.

Once he was set up, I went to make a phone call, and noticed our home phone had 3 messages on it. I'm terrible at checking my home messages. I figure most people who need me just call my cell phone. The second message was from Michelle from Camp Companion on Friday telling me she had called and spoken with my vet, and after a glowing report about how well I care for my pets, and Dr. Hedges telling her he couldn't think of a better home for a pet to live in, she was approving my adoption of Chatter. Guess I probably should have listened to this beforehand and I would have spared myself the anxiety of worrying about whether or not someone adopted him from underneath me.

I didn't like the name Chatter, so both Matty, and Diane recommended naming him after Anderson Cooper with his dreamy blue eyes. So I decided he was going to be Cooper.

So far he's really sweet and getting along well with everybody. Trinket isn't sure about him yet, but she's coming along pretty well. The dogs want to sniff him, and that's about it. He's handling it all like a champ, and is really easy going.

Because I steal from Larry Klye.

2009-04-19T01:41:00.000-05:00

Hey....

2009-04-19T00:26:00.003-05:00

Remember me? Yeah, didn't think so. Well, here I am. Still doing my thing. Still working 4 days a week. I like the hours, but dislike the paycheck. However I am grateful to still have a job with so many people laid off.

Somehow I think the economy is improving. It seems like some things are starting to stabilize. Maybe that's wishful thinking, or maybe it's true. The stock market has been holding steady and going up, so that's good news. It seems like less jobs are being lost than before, and houses seem to be a little more stable...so let's cross our fingers. My company has been much busier the past week or two, so that seems like a really good sign! (Buy jewelry--makes a great gift!)

I really think Barack Obama is doing a pretty good job. I don't agree with every decision he's made, but I think he's got a handle on things. I really don't envy his job. How do you even start to sort out the mess he walked into less than 3 months ago? I wouldn't even know where to begin. I also don't understand the "tea baggers". First, maybe do a little Urban Dictionary search before you decide to call what you're doing "tea bagging"...unless you mean you want someone's balls in your mouth...if that's the case, then go for it, right wingers! But the thing is, they're protesting taxes? Obama cut taxes for 95% of them. In all honestly, it seems like a lot of people were protesting a lot of different things. Some of it was very thinly veiled racism, and just hate mongering. Comparing him to a Nazi? Saying he's not legally the President because he's "foreign born". His birth certificate is available to be seen for yourself. That's all just hate speech and fear mongering. It really saddens me, because he really isn't even being given a chance, and I don't think that's fair because I tried my best to give George W. Bush a chance. I wasn't critical of him for the first couple of years. I always try to withhold judgement until I've seen their leadership or lack there of. I think generally George W. Bush wasn't criticized until after he'd been President for 2 years. Anyway, I didn't intend to get political...and it's late, so I suspect I make little sense.

I've been recording WMBYS fairly regularly again. I have Larry Klye as my new co-host, and we've been having fun. We had a little technical difficulty the past 2 weeks. I loaded the newest version of skype and it chose not to allow Pretty May to record the podcast. So Episode 71 guest starring Kevin in Danbury went down the drain. Then tonight Larry and I recorded Episode 71.1 with special guest star Ricky from Foul Monkeys, and same thing. It didn't record, either. It gave the illusion of recording. It said it was and it counted the time you "recorded". It even gave you a file and pretended it had a show...until you click on it and it says "File not Found!" Sadzies. It was really funny, too. Guess we just amused ourselves. So hopefully soon we will record episode 71.2. Hopefully Larry is still talking to me after all the SNAFUs. :) (Love you, Larry)

So that's what's been going on in a nutshell. :) Thanks for reading my drivel. Later!

Daylight savings time, I think you suck

2009-03-09T00:17:00.001-05:00

Any guesses what I'll be doing at work tomorrow? Yeah...napping.

I have a problem

2009-02-23T19:58:00.003-06:00

I'm sure this comes as no shock to many of you, but I have a problem with food. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but from Thursday-Sunday last weekend, I ate myself sick every single day. I consumed about 3x my daily allowance of calories. I binged on lots of chocolate, candy, cookies, movie theater popcorn, and literally anything I could get my hands on. I just kept stuffing it all into my big fat pie hole until I literally was to the point of almost throwing up. (if only I'd have eaten just a little more, and thrown it all up, I'd be better off right now, but that's a different eating disorder)

Every morning I woke up, weighed myself, saw the damage done on the scale and felt so ashamed and miserable. So full of self loathing. I promised that this would be a new day, and I'd take control again....only to binge eat another day. I've gained over 5lbs this weekend. I'm so angry with myself. I behaved all through the holidays, and since Jan 1st (including this weekend's binge) I'm up 9 lbs. I can't believe how out of control I feel. I even looked up Overeaters Anonymous, but feel too embarrassed and ashamed to go to a meeting. Partly I don't want to face a bunch of strangers with my problem (yet I'll blog about it, go figure) and part of it is, most people in Overeaters Anonymous are heavy and I worry they won't be very kind to the "skinny" girl at the meeting. In addition to my binge eating, I'm a compulsive exerciser, so I'm not heavy. (although I didn't touch my treadmill last weekend, and I'm furious with myself for that)

I think it's the stress of the lay offs at work, the economy, and a variety of personal things that just have me feeling like I'm spiraling out of control.

Today, I just found out my aunt is retiring on Friday, and decided to drive to Iowa to surprise her at her retirement party. I almost don't want anyone to see me because I feel so huge and gross. The funny thing is, I weigh 120 lbs. I'm ridiculous. In my head I know this isn't fat, but it feels so disgusting and awful. I hate myself so much right now.

I ate appropriately today. I guess that's all I can do. Take it one day at a time, and try to keep myself in line. Try to fight off the urge to stuff my face.

It's my 15th year

2009-02-20T22:32:00.005-06:00

So, I'm doing the Walk For Animals again this year. As I'm sure most of you know, I love animals. I love them more than most people. The Animal Humane Society gets no government assistance, they take in ALL animals with no waiting list unlike some of the shelters who pick and chose which animals they'll take. They really do a wonderful service in the community here in Minnesota, and throughout the country, as other shelters often send their "excess" animals here. They do all the cruelty investigations in the area and do so much with relatively little resources.

Here is my blog post from last year....I think it pretty much sums up how I feel about the Humane Society, and my dog Misty.

This year is going to be my 14th year doing the Walk for Animals benefiting the Animal Humane Society. I usually bring River (my parrot) and whomever else I think will behave themselves. Which means Harvey rarely goes along. It's usually River and Sunshine. I've been doing it so long, that my original walking companion at this event was actually the same "person" who introduced me to the Humane Society, my dog Misty. She walked with me from 1995-1999.

I got Misty 6/4/83. I was 11 years old and that was the day my father left us. He wouldn't let me have a puppy, so the day he left, my mother took me down to the Humane Society to pick out a puppy. As soon as I spotted her, I knew this was the dog I wanted. She was tiny, and adorable. At the time, she was all of 6" long, and looked like a tiny beagle. (Later we would learn she was actually a Beagle/Lab mix, and she topped out at about 50 lbs) There was a family there looking at her and playing with her. The mother in that family told the kids to put the puppy back in the cage, and they would go look at the adult dogs, and come back and adopt her. I saw my chance, and as soon as they put her back, I waited until they were out of sight, and I grabbed my new puppy, and brought her up to the adoption desk. She was $50.00 and I paid with my own money, since we were now going to be strapped for cash with my father gone. She was officially mine.

Misty had been abused, and didn't like men, even though she was only about 12 weeks old when we got her. In her whole life, she met 2 men she ever liked. One was my Grandpa, and one was Nick. She and I grew up together, and she was there for me in a way no one else ever was, or honestly, ever has been since.

She was fiercely protective of me, and would always stand between me and any visitors to our house. She also got between my mother and I, when my mother would get abusive with me. Even when I was an adult and married, and she was a feeble 16 year old dog, she would stand on shaky legs between me and Nick's friend Sean who she deemed a shady character. She would never let anything happen to "her girl." If I went to bed before Nick, she would lay in front of the door to the bedroom, and wait until Nick came to bed, once he came to bed, she must have decided it was his responsibility to protect me, and she would go lay on her doggie bed at the foot of our bed.

I had her from when I was 11 until I was 27. Her body had just given out and I had to make the most horrible decision of my entire life. I had to put my best friend in the whole world to sleep. She had a good, long life, and I will always be grateful to have known her. She was the only constant thing I had in my childhood besides my grandparents. She protected me, and comforted me through all the hard times in my childhood, and I will always miss her.

She is the reason I started doing the Walk for Animals, and the reason I will always do it. To help all the unwanted pets like her, who may just be someone's best friend.

New Rule.

2009-02-05T23:51:00.002-06:00

I let people treat me badly. It's partly my own fault because I put up with it and don't usually say anything about it, probably because of my crazy parents. Well I'm not playing that way anymore. The new rule is very simple; if you want to be in my life you will treat me fairly and with respect. The end. I don't think that's asking too much.

Another thing....

2009-01-29T22:38:00.003-06:00

Nick didn't get me anything for Christmas. Or my birthday. (not even a card) This really bothers me. I know I got a treadmill in November, and we agreed that would be my Christmas present, but you'd think he'd buy some candy for my stocking, just to get some little token thing. This has become a habit for him, and really makes me feel insignificant and hurts my feelings. Sadly, I'm getting pretty used to it.

10 Reasons I Might Be Crazy

2009-01-29T21:29:00.002-06:00

10. I have a dirty dish phobia. I hate dirty dishes, and thank goodness we have a dishwasher, because I'd eat off of paper plates for all eternity if I had to touch dirty dishes. Blech.

9. I won't touch dirty dishes, but I've eaten candy I've found on the street. Unwrapped, no less. It was Toffifay, what am I supposed to do, that stuff is delicious, and I was probably 11 or 12 years old. I'd probably do it still today. (Hey, it's chocolate....at least I'm honest)

8. I don't touch public door knobs if I can help it, especially the restroom door handle.

7. Speaking of that, I hate touching any surface on an airplane. I think they are filthy and disgusting. I hate even touching the tray. You know they don't wipe them down, don't you?

6. I'm feeling completely out of control of my life right now. Things are getting very scary at work for me, and I'm binge eating to comfort myself. In the last 2 hours I have eaten over 1000 calories of chocolate.

5. I like almost all animals more than most people.

4. When I was a kid, I thought a local television news anchor, Dave Moore, was a family friend because we watched him on the news every night. As I grew up, I realized he was just someone we saw on tv, and didn't really know in person, yet when he died, I was truly sad. I guess I still thought he was my friend.

3. When I was a little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd answer, "A van." Not sure why or how I thought I'd grow up to be a van....guess I didn't achieve that dream!

2. I saw Jaws when I was really little, probably 6 or 7 years old. I used to think there were sharks in the lakes, swimming pools, even bath tubs. I still sometimes do. I'm so scared to be eaten by a shark.

1. I don't have kids, and I'm positive nobody will miss me when I die.

Here we go again....and I'm rambling.

2009-01-12T21:24:00.005-06:00

Today it happened. The thing I've known would, but kept hoping it would be later, or that the economy would pick up and it could be avoided. I'm officially a part-time employee again. I've done it all before. I know I can live on my part-time salary combined with Nick's. I'm just tired of being worried. I'm tired of feeling like I have no control. I hope things get better. I feel grateful to have a job at all, given the circumstances.

I'm just worried about money. I have Christmas bills to pay off, and I bought the treadmill. The thing is, I shouldn't have bought my new treadmill. I knew this and did it anyway. I didn't need it. It was just a want, and I should have been more responsible....but I've been responsible for so long, and my old treadmill is almost ready to fall apart. I love it, and honestly I need cardio due to my heart conditions. So in my mind I can justify it as a need. But in reality, it was just a want, and I should have made do with what I already owned.

On the money front, I bought some things at the REI super clearance sale this weekend. I think they do it twice a year, and I love this sale so much. I usually find some fabulous North Face things for over 1/2 off, and score some sweet deals. This year was no different. I got several really great deals. Well with today's news, I contemplated taking things back to the store, but then looked on ebay and saw that some of the things I bought I can turn a decent profit on ebay. For example, one North Face Venture rain jacket I bought for $34 at REI sold today on ebay for $72.59, and another for $82.67. The North Face Denali Hoodie I bought for $60 just sold for $147.50, so I think I can make a little extra cash this way. Then the select items I want to keep can be much cheaper or even free. :) Leave it to me to find creative ways to pay for things. When I was young and poor I used to do patch testing for Aveda. They don't test on animals, so they "pay" human volunteers with gift certificates for Aveda products. Don't stand between a girl and her hair care products!

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. I'm trying to stay positive, and not worry too much....but for those of you who know me, I'm sure you know I'm freaking out.

Senseless ramblings.

2009-01-10T22:01:00.004-06:00

Hey everyone. Thanks to all of you who voted for Nick's aunt Bonnie's dog in the contest! Even though we got 4500 votes (awesome) we didn't make it into the finals. Boo for that. Good effort on our part though, right?

Not much else going on. I'm feeling nervous at work. Lots of visits from different bankers, which isn't a good sign. Someone is coming to evaluate inventory on Monday. I really need to get my resume updated, but frankly I don't even know where to start. Part of it is just me feeling paralyzed with fear. Part of it is my own insecurity that I don't know how to do anything else. I'm scared to leave, and I'm scared to stay. I'm positive I'll end up working a drive through window, wearing a paper hat and asking people if they want fries with that. Also, I need to remember to spell it "drive thru" if I'm going to work one...I should at least have the decency to spell accordingly, right?

I'm feeling really fat right now. No good reason. I'm just up 2 lbs, which is really nothing. I guess maybe because I had a binge today. We went back to the restaurant we went to last weekend, and I had the Mac Attack. Three Squares in Maple Grove really has the best mac & cheese I've ever had. I'm sure it's also quite heart healthy. It's got 5 kinds of cheese, and it's really creamy. It almost looks like alfredo sauce, but richer, if you can imagine. So good.

Nick and I aren't really getting along very well. He's been really edgy and yelling at me a lot. I'm sure I'm no picnic to live with, but I usually know what I've done to warrant a yelling at. Lately, it seems like I can't do much right. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to pack my things, move to a new city, and start over.

I'm starting to see my life as a series of mistakes. I have a lot of regrets. I wish I'd have done so many things that I haven't done, and I'm sure I never will. I wish I hadn't done a lot of things I have. I wish....maybe that's the perfectionist in me. Never satisfied.

I guess I'm in a little funk right now. Maybe it's time to go to bed. Or at least watch Neil Patrick Harris on SNL. Maybe that will make me better. :)

Hey Everyone....

2009-01-01T20:37:00.001-06:00

On the side, I've linked to the Minneapolis Star Tribune Cutest Dog Contest. Nick's aunt Bonnie, whom I absolutely adore has submitted her dog Markie. Please do me a favor and vote for him. You can vote every minute.....so vote often. The winner gets a Visa gift card for $1000!

Request

2008-12-23T18:54:00.003-06:00

I got a request from Leah to put one of those "followers" things on my blog. Well, ask and you shall receive. So, hey bitches, follow me! ;)

randomness

2008-12-22T20:49:00.004-06:00

1. I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. I'm unapologetic about it, and because of this, Nick won't share toothpaste with me. :) I have my very own tube.

2. I love a hoodie. I have probably 30 hoodies minimum in my closet. I love a hoodie sweatshirt (Lucky in particular) I love a hoodie sweater, a hoodie jacket, I love all things with hoods. Not sure why.

3. I hate wool. Even a small fraction of a percentage makes me itch, and it doesn't matter if I wear a shirt under it. Yuck.

4. I should be on the treadmill right now.

5. I had to call my father last night when writing out Holiday cards, because I couldn't remember if my uncle was dead or alive. (he's alive....who knew?)

6. I think being unable to recall if someone is even alive or not, means they shouldn't be on your holiday card list.

7. I am feeling a little excited for Giftmas and I'm not sure why.

8. That last statement might be a lie. I think I know why....I have a bunch of junk food I'm making to eat on Christmas Day. I also made new rules on the gift buying of the money grubbers.

9. I just started working out with a weight ball, and I love it. (thanks Walt!)

10. I would love to have six pack abs. How does that happen??

Who are you???

2008-12-16T19:40:00.002-06:00

Hey, I notice I've been getting several hits per day from Minneapolis.....so 'fess up. Who are you? :) Just curious.

Snore update.

2008-12-16T17:05:00.003-06:00

Nick got a CPAP machine for his snoring today. I'm hopeful that I may get some sleep soon. Cautiously optimistic. Or something. I wonder if the dog can get one too, because he's been snoring a lot the last month or two.

Otherwise, that's it. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well at all last night, so I'm really dragging.

P.S.

2008-12-13T08:43:00.003-06:00

I love calling Christmas "Giftmas" and am thinking of having it printed on my holiday cards that we send to Nick's family of money grubbers. I've completely stolen that word from Sevi, and need to give her credit for it. I think it's hilarious and brilliant, and it completely sums up how that holiday makes me feel.

Stress

2008-12-13T08:33:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone,
First off, I just want to thank everyone who read my last post and was worried about me. I just wrote it to get it out of my system, and I'm fine. Really. The situation with my mother just is what it is, and I sometimes get down about it, especially during her birthday and the holidays.

This year is was probably magnified by all the other things going on in my life right now. I've been extremely worried about the economy. Since my job is in the "luxury" business, it's not terribly stable with the shaky finances that so many people have these days. Funny how people who are losing their house, have been laid off, and can't afford to buy groceries are not buying jewelry this year! That makes me nervous for my own job. Very nervous. Ok, maybe paralyzed with fear is more like it. I had a panic attack last week when I went Giftmas shopping. I just started thinking about the money, the fact that our phones at work are not really ringing, and everything just boiled over. I couldn't leave the mall fast enough. By the time I got to my car, I wasn't just crying, but bawling and hyperventilating. I've never had a panic attack before in my life. In fact, people who know me in real life are the most shocked and worried over that, because it's just not like me. I'm usually the stable, steady, rational one. Not this time, not right now.

There is also a lot of other things going on, that I'm not quite ready to talk about in my blog, but let's just say they are all contributing to my stress level.

So, for those of you who worried about me, thank you. I'm okay. It's just a rough time right now for me.

Things my mother taught me

2008-12-13T00:07:00.006-06:00

Today was my mother's 66th birthday. I didn't call. I didn't get her a card. I didn't acknowledge it in any way, because it's too stressful for me.

My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, and I haven't had contact with her in almost 6 years. Before that, I tried desperately to gain her approval; my whole childhood, and most of my adult life. I've learned since then, that I'll never be good enough, smart enough, funny enough. I'm not enough. I've learned since then that you can't reason with crazy. I've learned that it's not my fault my mother can't love me. I've learned that it's not okay to treat a child the way I was treated. I've learned that no matter how much you want to have a normal family, it's not possible for everybody.

I sometimes wonder what I would be like if I had normal parents. If I had parents who loved and wanted me. I wonder what I could have became if I was told I was smart, pretty, funny, wanted and loved. I wonder what it would have been like to have a carefree childhood where I didn't worry about my mom leaving me because she never wanted kids. If I hadn't had parents that found my very existence to be a burden. If my parents had wanted custody of me when they divorced rather than fighting over who had to take me. I wonder if I would be less self destructive. I wonder if I would have learned to love myself. I wonder if I would have learned to demand better treatment of me by others. Instead, after 37 years, I continue to let people treat me as if I'm disposable. After all, my parents taught me I am.

I used to worry that I would grow up to be crazy like my mother. Luckily, the paranoid schizophrenia becomes apparent in your mid to late twenties, so I dodged that bullet. Hey, at least I dodged one, right?

Thoughts.

2008-12-10T19:48:00.005-06:00

I thought of these things when I was reading Walt's blog:

1. I adore Edith Bunker. I know she's not a real person, but I cried like a baby when she died on All in the Family. I was scared to death when she was raped. I wish she was my mom. She may have been a "dingbat" but she was so loving, sweet and innocent, and always did the right thing.

2. I love macaroni and cheese. A lot. It is probably the most comforting food in the world to me.

3. My friend Mitch is sending me some Teuscher Champagne Truffles Fed Ex for tomorrow. He is fabulous!

4. I miss all the old tv shows from the 70s and 80s.

5. I think the people at Sony are a bunch of bastards for not releasing any more seasons of Fantasy Island.

6. I love JZ for buying me season 1 of Fantasy Island.

7. I've met a lot of really wonderful people through the podcast.

8. I don't get why people think Jay Leno is funny. He's not funny at all, and annoys me to no end.

9. David Letterman is a genius and I wanted to marry him when I was 14. I think I still do.

10. I'm heading downstairs to the treadmill because I only got in 25 minutes this morning. I'll be watching Private Practice from the treadmill, in case you were wondering!

Fifty more random statements.

2008-12-06T13:53:00.003-06:00

Because I like these kind of blogs. I like that they are random and tangential....just like me.

1. I don't like white underwear. At all. In fact, I find them repulsive, and will never wear them.

2. I do like white socks, and I don't know why.

3. I have freakishly small feet, and often buy children's shoes because they are cheaper.

4. I'm cheap, but prefer to think I'm frugal, however I'll pay more for a quality product.

5. As cheap as I am, I'm also a snob. I like nice things.

6. I'm only fine if the word is being used as an acronym for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. (thanks to The Italian Job, where I stole that from)

7. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but should start figuring it out pretty soon.

8. I'm the thinnest I've been since high school right now, but I still look fat in the mirror.

9. I don't like it when I let someone into my lane when there is a traffic jam, and they don't give me the little courtesy wave.

10. I sometimes lie to people at the movie theater when they ask if seats are taken because I don't want them sitting by me. I especially do this if they look "chatty."

11. I'm unapologetic about shushing people at the movie theater who talk. If you need to talk all through the movie, then watch it in your fucking living room! Jeez!

12. I think I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now.

13. I love the deep v-neck long sleeved t-shirts from Old Navy, and wear them as one of my layers almost every day.

14. If I find something I like, I will buy multiples of it. Sometimes in every color, and usually several in black.

15. I live in jeans.

16. Shazam and the Livestrong Calorie Counter are the 2 best iPhone applications.

17. I once painted the outside of my house purple. Not a muted quiet color, but a rather bright crazy shade of purple.

18. I'm really proud that I went to Costa Rica to learn to surf. I'm also really proud that I actually picked it up and was able to do it!

19. I have an irrational fear of being eaten by a shark.

20. I love Michael Stipe.

21. I like Miracle Whip, and I'm confident that makes me white trash.

22. I love Teuscher Champagne Truffles, and maybe that counteracts my white trash Miracle Whip tendencies.

23. Almost no people I know in real life read this or listen to the podcast. I'm kind of glad for both.

24. I like to be alone. I'm comfortable traveling alone, eating alone. None of that ever bothers me.

25. I sometime feel more alone in a group of people than I ever do when I'm by myself.

26. I don't really like Christmas. I find it incredibly stressful.

27. I own 3 Menorahs.

28. My favorite Christmas songs are "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby and David Bowie, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses, "Mele Kalikimaka" by Bing Crosby, "Baby it's Cold Outside" and "Medley Winterwonderland/Sleighride" by Dolly Parton.

29. I have a collection of Precious Moments in boxes in my basement. Ugh. (don't judge...I know it's scary)

30. I'm addicted to Mint Chapstick.

31. I once was a patch test subject for Aveda. They don't test on animals, so I let them test products on me.

32. I used to volunteer for the late Senator Paul Wellstone.

33. I met Ben and Jerry at a birthday party for Paul Wellstone one year. Mmm. Ice cream.

34. I hate Windows Vista, and my next computer will be an iMac.

35. I love my new treadmill, and put 33 miles on it this week.

36. I'm a home pooper. I know, TMI.

37. I use cloth napkins at home because I don't like to waste paper.

38. I have lost peripheral vision in my right eye.

39. Coke Zero and Pepsi One are my two favorite sodas.

40. I can't drink orange juice with pulp. Lumpy drinks make me gag.

41. Peppermint bon bon, and chocolate brownie chunk are my favorite ice creams.

42. I love the giant Toblerone bars you can get at Target. Not sure why an 11 oz Toblerone is appropriate, but it is. Mmm, candy!

43. I'm trying to eat healthier.

44. I seem to have developed a slight Trader Joe's addiction.

45. I can quit anytime I want to.

46. There is no such thing as a diamond that's too big.

47. I have really random taste in music.

48. I love the Rachel Maddow podcast.

49. I'm scared for the future.

50. I need a nap, but I'm going for a run on the treamill.

10 Random things I feel Thankful for.

2008-11-27T13:18:00.006-06:00

1. I was lucky enough to be born in this country where I have virtually limitless possibility. The simple fact of where you happened to be born is one thing you have no control over what so ever, yet can be the single most significant factor in what kind of life you will lead. I could just as easily been born in Darfur, or any third world, war-torn country.

2. As many health issues as I honestly do have, and as serious as they may be, I am relatively healthy. I am strong, fairly fit, and in no real pain.

3. I have extremely wonderful and supportive friends.

4. I have a nice, comfortable house. In a really wonderful, tight-knit neighborhood. I can honestly say I know every one of my neighbors.

5. I have a good reliable car.

6. I have a decent education. I'd still like to go back for a different, more marketable degree, but the ones I have are okay.

7. I find a reason to laugh every single day, and try to remain positive.

8. Nick has a very stable job in these scary economic times. Mine....not so much. But I feel lucky that one of us does. I know couples where both of them have been laid off, and I would lose my mind if I were in that situation.

9. I've been disciplined enough to save money every month in my money market, stock account, and my 401 (k).

10. Barack Obama was elected President of the United States of America!!!

Bonus just for my dear friend Larry Klye:

11. Dear baby Jesus, I am thankful for alcoholic beverages! Especially when one must spend time with the family!

50 Random Statements:

2008-11-25T22:29:00.007-06:00

1. I almost knocked Oprah to the ground running to the restroom once when I had the flu.

2. I think my parrot is much smarter and better company than all but maybe five people I know.

3. I am an environmentalist, yet drive an SUV and make no apologies.

4. I love all things purple.

5. I feel fatter at 115 lbs. than I ever did at 159 lbs.

6. My biggest fear in life is having a stroke.

7. My house is currently a pig sty.

8. I don't know exactly what the hell a pig sty is.

9. I always thought I was a dog person until I got my cat.

10. If I could live anywhere in the world, it would be Costa Rica.

11. I regret marrying at 24.

12. I don't regret not having kids.

13. I believe Barack Obama will do great things.

14. I'm secretly in love with Nate Silver.

15. I have a strange attraction to geeky men.

16. I may be critical of others, but I'm much more critical of myself.

17. If I had to chose between my husband and my iphone.....I think the iphone might win.

18. Secretly, I adore Anderson Cooper for being the host of the Mole.

19. I want botox for the wrinkle between my eyes. Smile lines are okay, frown lines are not.

20. I wish I had different parents.

21. I will likely die before I see 60, and I'm okay with that.

22. I love cheesy reality tv.

23. I own the book Twilight, yet don't want to read it just because it's the big thing right now.

24. My Grandpa means the world to me.

25. I'm much more sensitive and fragile than I'll ever let on.

26. I'm addicted to Costco.

27. I love going to the dentist.

28. Fresh cut grass is the best smell in the world....right after chocolate chip cookies.

29. I still miss my dog Hannah, who died 10.23.05, and my dog Misty who died 5.3.99.

31. I have a crush on Jim from The Office.

32. I've never been to Europe, but want to go very much.

33. I speak French and German.

34. When I'm stressed I have recurring dreams of clowns chasing me. (clowns scare the hell out of me!)

35. I know it's bad, but I like McDonald's food.

36. I'm terrible with the computer, but I'm a gadget savant.

37. I have an excellent memory.

38. I'm fiercely loyal.

39. I secretly like Miley Cyrus.

40. I feel guilty for being an animal lover, yet still eating meat. I know better.

41. I love shoes, purses, coats, and jewelry. A lot!

42. Diamonds go with everything, including jeans or pajamas. :)

43. Cruises are the best vacations.

44. I tend to pick up strays. Both animals and people.

45. I wear a mouth guard and a retainer to bed because I clench my jaw from stress.

46. I was happy when my parents finally divorced because it was more peaceful than living with the tension.

47. I don't really know my siblings.

48. I slouch, and hate that.

49. I fall asleep at Broadway shows even though I enjoy them.

50. I'm currently ignoring the fact that I need a pacemaker at age 37.

Stolen from Walt...cause that's how I roll.

2008-11-07T21:36:00.003-06:00

What Your Love of Twix Says About You

You are a generous and caring person. You are soft hearted.

You're the type who needs a partner. You just don't feel right on your own.

You are more fragile than outward appearances would suggest.

You tend to be a pushover. You are very sensitive and easy to break.

What Does Your Favorite Candy Say About You?

Ok, I'm not going to lie....this is actually frighteningly accurate about me!! Everything except the "needing a partner and not feeling right on my own" is pretty much right on. :) What kind of candy are you? Is the description accurate? Let me know!

Birthday Happies!

2008-10-13T07:44:00.004-05:00

It's my birthday today so I'm playing hooky from work! Well, not really. My boss knew in advance that I wouldn't be there...so I guess that's not really hooky. I'm having lunch with a friend and getting a massage later today! I can't wait!

I had a nice relaxing weekend. Didn't do that much. Socialized with a few friends, got a few presents. You know, normal birthday stuff. Went out for dinner, and had a major cheat day yesterday....and the scale only says I'm up 1.2 lbs! Yay for me! My friend Bree gave me the book "Twilight" for my birthday, which I've heard a lot about....so I guess I'm joining that cult.

Speaking of books, I got a chance to read most of Drew Ferguson's book The Screwed Up Life of Charlie the Second this weekend. If you get a chance, read it. It's a great book. I guess Drew listens to podcasts, so he offered to send us each autographed books to read, and we are participating in a podcaster's book club. I'm recording with Archerr tomorrow, and David That Blue Jeans Guy later this week. I think it's really cool. Who'd guess an author listens to our silly show? :-)

I've started getting some presents from my Amazon wish list, which is really awesome! I'm really thankful for all my friends that I've met online, many of whom I've had a chance to meet in person! You have all touched me and enriched my life, and I'm grateful for you!

It sounds like my birthday will be celebrated for most of this month, and who doesn't like that?!? I'm going up to see my Grandpa in Park Rapids, MN next weekend. Who doesn't love an extended celebration? I know I do! I'm really excited to go see my Grandpa. I adore him so much! He is the one person in the world who only sees the positives in me. I'm perfect to him in every way. He makes me feel loved in it's purest form. He also spoils me with yummy junk food, and worries that I don't eat enough. (yes, I was a picky eater when I was little...obviously I outgrew it, but he still worries) I think I'll go to Grandpa's after work on Friday. It's a 3.5-4 hour drive, and I think I'll come home Sunday afternoon. Nick's family are having a birthday party for me on Sunday evening, so I wouldn't want to miss presents.

The following weekend I'm having dinner with my friend Susan, so the birthday celebration continues at least until then. :)

Now the negatives; Nick's parents are scheduled to arrive in Minneapolis from North Carolina this Wednesday! Ugh. I guess it's his cousin's wedding this coming weekend. I don't know his cousin, and I've been excused from having to attend. I'm really grateful for this because I really HATE going to Nick's dad's side of the family. There are a lot of really weird people who don't know much about boundaries. The last time I attended one of these family functions, his aunt Marcella, who I've only met once before this, at my wedding, felt the need to ask me about my gynecological health. Really? Is this appropriate conversation to make with a virtual stranger over a 4th of July picnic? Yeah, I didn't think so either. I'm not sensitive about my health problems at all. I really couldn't care less, but it was just so invasive because I don't even know whis woman. (Nick's mother loves to call everyone she's ever met and gossip about this kind of thing. Ugh) At the time, I had just had 2 miscarriages, but since then I've had a tubal pregnancy rupture, and emergency surgery. I'm sure that would be a wonderful topic of conversation for the wedding reception, right? I mean who doesn't love feeling like a medical freak of nature among strangers? No, thanks. I think I'll head to my Grandpa's house and steer clear of the crazies.

It's been 2 years today.

2008-09-18T23:10:00.001-05:00

This blog entry is just for me, and I just wanted to acknowledge it. I'm not going to say anymore than that.

Look! We are cartoons!

2008-09-17T20:28:00.002-05:00

Our fabulous, adorable, super-sweet listener Candy made us cool new avatars! I think they are pretty cute! Thanks Candy!

Mmm cupcakes!

2008-09-06T21:37:00.006-05:00

Because these make me laugh....and who doesn't love a cupcake?? (these pictures were brazenly stolen from Walt and Eric...thanks boys!)

Just checking to see if I knew how to embed...I guess I do! :)

2008-09-03T20:45:00.003-05:00

I've heard that I need to blog more...

2008-09-02T22:44:00.004-05:00

Not sure why I never blog. It seems like I'm always busy. Doing what? I'm not sure exactly. Probably just wasting time.

So last weekend, I watched a little Fantasy Island that I got on dvd from our listener JZ. Can I just say how much I freakin' LOVE that show!?!?! Seriously, it was one of my favorites when I was a little girl! Now looking back, it was maybe a little bit scary for a 6 year old to watch, but I was raised by wolves and had little parental guidance. I remember watching it every Saturday night when I was a kid. Fantasy Island and Love Boat! Those were good times, and for some reason I find it incredibly comforting to watch these cheesy old shows!

Sunday we went to the Minnesota State Fair. Every year I think there is more to do there than there really is. It's mostly people watching and eating bad fried foods on sticks. There are a lot of FUPAs to see, cellulite, bad fashions, missing teeth, bad tattoos. So yeah, it's a good time! I know there must be other things to do, but they are lost on me. I don't enjoy seeing the livestock. Mostly I find it hard to look into their eyes and know they are going to be dinner in the near future. Ugh. I don't like really much the fair has to offer....except food. I've also got some pics of people that I found amusing, but I'll post those later. (read that as, I'm lazy and my digital camera is still in my purse)

Monday, I went for a 10 mile walk first thing in the morning. I was trying to get rid of the crappy food from the fair. It didn't seem like I needed to wear much for sunscreen, but I was wrong, and burned my shoulders and chest. (I did sunscreen my face....nobody wants wrinkles...cancer, sure. Wrinkles-no thanks!) Then we got a call inviting us to Nick's grandma's pool for the last pool party of the year. We went, and it was hot (90) and sunny. We stayed a couple of hours and then went home. I had too much sun as it was, so I didn't want to stay long.

So that was about it. I blogged. Yay for me.

I forgot this one.

2008-08-27T21:58:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite pictures from the weekend. Mostly just because it's so completely inappropriate. Freddy and British John on the subway. :)

Sunday August 24th

2008-08-25T20:48:00.003-05:00

Walt and me.
John feeling sad that his apple pie has cinnamon in it. :*(

2008-08-25T20:26:00.023-05:00

Drunkie John
Walt, Stevy B and me
Stevy B and me
Kevin, Brian, and Stevy B
My line up of drinks
John and Walt
Robert
David B and Leon
John doing what he does best: Being inappropriate!
Larry Klye, Walt and Joe
Stevy B
The Danbury's. Brian and Kevin
If he stopped waving, he'd only look severely retarded.
(I had to call it that, Walt) :)
Walt, me and cupcake!
Walt and Freddy
Walt and Freddy.
Random shenanigans!
Ken looks ready for a divorce for some reason.

Walt and me!

How cute are those two?? I adore me some Walt!

Friday Aug 22nd

2008-08-25T19:36:00.033-05:00

Larry Klye eating pizza....again!
British John drinking!
Freddy drinking....3 drinks!
Okay, okay...try to look serious!
Take one.
Freddy and Jed. Cute!
Because John's straight.
Subway shenanigans
Idea stolen from Big Fatty. (hi Dad!)
Me! I got cold in Central Park
How cute is Jed?
John's dunce hat.

A beautiful day to lay around in Central Park
Jed
Eric
British John laying in Central Park
Graffitti shenanigans. "Why" starring John
"I'm so sexy" starring Freddy
"I'm a shithead" starring Jed
John couldn't take it anymore
Because John's NOT a gay man!
John and Freddy "bonding"
Freddy and John
Freddy and Holly
Mmmmm hurricanes! But not the bad kind.
The gang out for hurricanes and appetizers
Hurricane.
John and Holly at lunch. He never stops talking! ;)
Larry Klye and John at Rockefeller Center.

Thursday Aug 21st

2008-08-25T19:21:00.008-05:00

I landed at JFK at 10:00 am to discover my friend Marie had text messaged me to say she won't be coming Thursday because her plane had been grounded. (I guess it broke curfew or didn't finish it's chores) No, really she was coming from Jacksonville FL and Tropical Storm Fay was coming back inland and wreaking havoc on Jacksonville. She was on standby, but we would later find out they just would change her status to "cancelled" for this weekend. :(

I went out to lunch with our listener JZ. We went to a little Italian restaurant and I had eggplant parm. It was really good. JZ is a really sweet guy, and was a lot of fun to have lunch with! :) He also brought me a pressie! I got Fantasy Island the first season on DVD! I adore that show! (THANKS JZ!)

After that, Larry Klye had arrived in town, so we were going to go get tickets to see Mary Poppins at the TKTS booth. Chef Mark called and we got together and had a couple of cocktails. As we were doing that, British John called and stopped by for a quick drink since he had out of town company.

Larry and I went to Mary Poppins, and it was a lot of fun. I took a tiny nap right at the begining, but only maybe for 10 minutes. (I didn't miss any of the important stuff!) After we were done, we met up with Freddy and Jed. Larry and I were hungry, so we finally found a pizza place and got some food. They were about to close, but stayed open and made our pizza....finally we left when they shut off the lights. It was good food and good company, and Freddy and Jed are adorable, as is Larry Klye. We got to hear him eat in person! ;)

New haircut.

2008-08-10T11:15:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday I got my hair cut and highlighted. I asked for a trim...I got about 3" taken off. I didn't like it at first, but it's starting to grow on me, which is good, because at this point, what choice do I have? So here it is for your amusement. I couldn't decide which picture to use, so I just put both.

iPhone

2008-07-21T22:12:00.003-05:00

Ok, this is seriously the best $300 I've ever spent. I love, love, love this fantastic piece of technology. It's revolutionized my life, and freed up a lot of time away from my computer. I adore being able to check my email accounts, twitter, the WMBYS web site, my stocks etc. Yay for the internet fitting in my pocket!

So, my fellow iPhone geeks....what's your favorite application? I'm a newbie, so tell me your favorite thing you do with your iPhone. :)

Drinking the Kool-Aid

2008-07-17T22:26:00.002-05:00

Ok, so in my hot little hand I hold a shiny new black 16 gig 3G iPhone. I think we are likely destined to be best friends...maybe lovers...we'll see how it goes.

I've only had it for a couple of hours, but I think I'm quickly getting the hang of it. It's pretty user friendly, and that's good, because I'm not always good with the computer, but I'm usually a gadget savant. So I'm thinking this falls under the gadget category.

Walt--I've learned how to bookmark already! Proud much? I've also got all my various email accounts synced up to it, so I can compulsively check more often than I already do!

And I'd love to write more, but I must go caress the iPhone.

P.S. I will have no use for human contact in the future...I have a toy, and you've all become obsolete to me. ;)

Aren't you proud???

2008-07-14T22:43:00.001-05:00

This is mostly for Walt and Nessa. I put my own Last.fm widget on my blog. Aren't you proud?? Your little girl is all grown up. ;)

wow!

2008-07-11T09:57:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in a month. Well a lot has happened, I just haven't been in the mood to write about it. We had a fire in the park preserve behind our house, and actually some of our yard burned, as well as our maple and box elder trees. Um, I should write the whole story and post the pics. I should. Dunno if I will though.

My stupid job was supposed to go back to regular hours on July 1st, but of course that didn't happen. They say we will be full time on July 28th. I'll believe it when I see it. I think I'm going to explore my options as a high priced call girl. ;)

Gay Days Orlando

2008-06-13T22:18:00.005-05:00

I should have blogged about Gay Days before I was tired of telling the stories....but I didn't.

Suffice it to say, I had a great time. I met a lot of really great people! There wasn't a single person I met and hung out with last weekend that I didn't truly enjoy. Kevin and Michael were wonderful hosts, and made me feel very comfortable at their house, and I can't thank them enough for their hospitality.

We played Wii Fit the first thing when I got there. It was a riot to watch Kevin play it. I hit the baked goods hard right away, too. Kevin makes a mean brownie. :) Then we went off to Sleuth's mystery dinner theater to see Michael in a show. Kevin and I got a cocktail and waited on their patio for everyone. The first to arrive was Big Fatty and Larry Klye. In person, Big Fatty is just as sweet as he can be. I just adored him so much. Then Ryan and Scott and Jason and Jamie came. Right after Michael and Kevin's friend Josh came. The whole thing was really great, and it was fun to see Michael in action. Also, there was cake involved.

Friday, we went to Epcot because Michael had to work as Dr. Allbright with Figment. (and yes, that music would drive any sane person to drink) Kevin and I promptly got margaritas in Mexico, (at 10:55am my time) and shortly after, Big Fatty joined us with Larry Klye. We stopped and got Churros because that is a nutritious breakfast especially with a margarita. Just then Taylor, Taffy, and Rodan joined us. They are fabulous! Very funny, and Rodan is pretty cute in the face. :) We rode some rides, and eventually ate fish and chips in the UK pavillion. Yummy! The fish and chips were fabulous! After that we went to the bakery in France and had some yummy pasteries. Chocolate cake was involved for me. (Of course) It was pretty hot, and we went home shortly after the cake.

We met the group at Maggiano's for dinner. Added to the group from earlier were Ricky, Tim, British John, Michael and Kevin's friend Kevin, and Ryan's friend Will. Dinner was fabulous! I got my calamari, so that was happy! :) There was a ton of food, and I practically ate myself sick. Yay gluttony! I had fried cheese with marinara sauce on it, and that was fabulous! We had cheese ravioli that was really good. I didn't even try a lot of it, but I was stuffed. And for dessert I got some chocolate cake. (second chocolate cake of the day for me, if you're counting) There are some pictures of me licking the plate, that would embarrass me if I had any dignity whatsoever, but I clearly don't, so whatever. Sadly, that is probably going to be the show art for the podcast we recorded tonight. :) I'm hot...I'm classy! That's right!

Saturday was the Magic Kingdom portion of Gay Days. We met everyone at the Carousel of Progress, and of course I promptly started my day with some ice cream, because we saw Larry Klye eating some, and well...you know me. So Kevin and I went and got ice cream for our breakfast. Yum! Then once everyone (sort of everyone...you know who you are) showed up, we went into the Carousel of Progress. It was good for a nice, air-conditioned nap. Then we rode Space Mountain while there was no wait...but it broke down for a little while, but it still wasn't that long of a wait. We hit the Haunted Mansion, which was fun. John was scared Big Fatty was going to touch his pee-pee on the ride, so to protect him, I rode it with John and Taffy, and frankly it was a tight fit, at best. I think it's meant for 2 people, so 1/2 my ass was pressed against the side of the ride, the other half was on British John. I think I got pregnant on that ride.... ;) We had burgers for lunch at Pecos Bill's. Then set off to ride Big Thunder Railroad. I got the fast pass for the wrong ride, but they let me trade for that one, so that was nice. I rode it with Michael, and had fun. It was really fucking hot that day, and I got a touch of the wilt. Ricky, Tim and I decided to go hunting for a Princess mouse ears hat for me. So, of course being the princess I am, I got it embroidered with my name. This is something every 36 year old should have in her wardrobe, right??

Then it was time for High Tea at the Grand Floridian. We went to Taylor and Taffy's hotel room to freshen up because who wants to go to high tea smelling like an animal. I changed into a little dress so I looked somewhat presentable, and we went to tea. It was lovely. One of our listeners, Darren, came too, so that was cool. I sat with Tim, Kevin, Jeremy, and John. I had little sandwiches, scones with clotted cream, tarts, and some pastries. It was actually quite a bit of food and I was pretty full. It was really fun, and we had plenty of lively, yet inappropriate conversation. After that we went to Michael and Kevin's and played some Match Game, and then Catch Phrase. We ordered pizza for dinner and later Taylor and Rodan came over to spend the night.

The following morning, Kevin made us a really yummy breakfast! He made some homemade scones, cheesy eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, yogurt, with homemade granola. It was all fabulous! He's the hostess with the mostess. :) Then Big Fatty and Larry Klye came over to follow us to Ryan's pool party and before we left, he played a little Wii Sports and Wii Fit. It was good times to watch Dad play the Wii!

We went to Ryan's pool party, and it was really nice. Ryan and Scott have a lovely home, and there was a ton of great food. I even tried the infamous pineapple casserole. It was pretty tasty! They had burgers, brats, and an assortment of other food. Kevin brought his sinful brownies. :) I swam in the pool and caught a touch of the Hep C. Good times were had by all! After dark, several boys got naked and went in the hot tub....note to self for next year: bring your glasses. I didn't see a thing! :( Boo. Anyway we stayed until about 10:00 and on the way we hit Steak N Shake. I only got a shake because I was full, but Kevin got food. He'd been on a liquid diet all day, so he was a touch of the hungry.

Monday we had to go to Lens Crafters, because Michael's glasses broke at Epcot, and well, I guess he wanted to see. Their computers were down, so they couldn't make them. We shopped for a while in hopes that their computers would be back up and running, but no such luck. I had my very first Chick-Fil-A, and I guess I didn't react quite right. Don't get me wrong, it was good. But, it was just a chicken sandwich. I think it was built up too much. It couldn't possibly live up to the hype. Big Fatty and Larry Klye joined us for lunch, and Ryan and Scott came a little after we were done eating. We shopped a little while longer in hopes that Michael's glasses would somehow get done. We went to Coldstone, and I had some yummy Birthday Cake Remix. :) Yum!! Then I went to the airport, and went home.

The end of Gay Days. Sadzies! I had sooooo much fun! I absolutely adore Michael and Kevin sooo much! (I'm buying the house next door and moving in) Everyone was really nice, and I had a blast.

If you want to see pics of my trip, or my random life, you can check out my flickr. It's now linked on my blog. Yay for Walt! :)

P.S. I NEED an iPhone July 11th. Not want, but NEED!

Convoluted ramblings

2008-05-24T23:14:00.004-05:00

So things are going fairly well lately. The job front seems to be stabilizing, so that's a relief. I've been pretty busy restocking stones for our big inventory June 2nd. Because of this, I've been working 5 days a week last week, and will be this coming week. That's good for the old checkbook, and bad for my leisure time! ;)

I got a Wii Fit, and it's actually really fun! I didn't know if it would be or not, and I debated selling it on ebay for profit, but in the end decided that swimsuit season is quickly coming upon us, and if it helps in any way, I better keep it. I'm not sure it's helping, but it can't hurt.

I exercise more than anyone I know, and I should have a rockin' bod...WTF?? Granted, I do tend to over indulge sometimes, but seriously the sheer amount of exercise time I put in should counteract that! I haven't had any processed sugar, or white flour etc since the Cold Stone episode, and I really don't have anything to show for it. I used to live on pure sugar for the first 28-30 years of my life, never exercised, and remained thin. It seems like my last pregnancy threw off my metabolism or something. Or maybe I'll just blame it on that.

One of our neighbors had a Memorial Day party tonight. Nick and I went for a few hours, but left when it started raining. They had tons of food, and I behaved myself. There was a bonfire, games, and of course booze. Once the sun went down it got quite cool, and I had to run home to change. I was wearing some Lucky capri jeans, a cute sleeveless low-cut shirt, and sandals, but once it got cold I ran home for some jeans, a t-shirt and my North Face fleece jacket. Then it started raining and we had some windows open at home so we left. Nick is golfing tomorrow, so he wanted to get to bed early anyway.

That's it. Nothing exciting to report.

Thrown under the bus

2008-05-19T17:48:00.002-05:00

So maybe you've noticed the blog-a-day thing really didn't work out for me. Yeah. Oh well. I prefer to do things because I want to, and not because I'm required to. So I threw the blog-a-day shit under the bus. That's how I roll.

I've been doing a lot better with my obsessive food consumption. I've actually eaten healthfully for a full week now. I last fell off the wagon last Monday when I had a ginormous bowl of birthday cake remix from Cold Stone. It was of course the largest size they offer (so I had to sell the car and take out a second mortgage to pay for it) and Nick and I "shared" it. Unfortunately sharing to me must have meant I get 3/4 of it and poor Nick got about 1/4 of it. After that I walked another 9 miles, and was still up a pound the next day. I'm a piglet.

Last weekend was absolutely beautiful outside. Actually it's been gorgeous for over a week now. I walked outside for a minimum of 2 hours per day, so I feel pretty good about that. Good thing I got all that walking in, because the weather changed and today it's cold and rainy.

I really should clean my house tonight....somehow I lack motivation. We'll see.

Two posts today!

2008-05-07T20:00:00.002-05:00

Does this count just in case I forget a day?? Yeah, I didn't think it would! :(

So, this is mostly for Walt...did you see that I added a link to my Amazon Wishlist to my blog! ALL BY MYSELF!! Woo hoo! I'm so techno! ;) Not bad for a girl who learned bookmarks 6 months ago, huh?

I did really well today. I only ate healthy foods, and I am feeling a bit better about that front.

In other happy news, I'm most likely going to Gay Days in Orlando! I'm really excited! My friend Kevin invited me to stay with him and his lovely partner Michael, so I think it's pretty much a done deal. I just need to book airfare and do it! :) Yay! That should be really fun! There are tons of people going, so it should be a really fun time!

That's about all...later folks!

I'm F.I.N.E.

2008-05-07T12:25:00.003-05:00

And if you either saw the Italian Job or are an Aerosmith fan, you will know that means:
Fucked-up
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional

Did I ever tell you guys that I got to go to the premier of the Italian Job because I had one of the first new MINI Coopers when they came out?? It was really cool. The stunt driver came to the premier and did a bunch of the stunts from the movie....none of which were CGI, by the way.

I miss my MINI Cooper. It was by far my favorite car that I've ever had. We sold it the first time I was pregnant since it wasn't a good car to get a car seat into and out of. Had I known then what I know now, I'd have never sold it.

Random thought.

Still struggling.

2008-05-06T22:06:00.002-05:00

Ok, let me first point out that my compulsive exercise hasn't been all treadmill. I do 2 1/2 miles on the treadmill every morning. Beyond that, my walks are outside on the nature trails behind my house. So the 9 mile walk, the 6 mile walk...those happen outside. I could walk forever outside. It's truly my form of meditation. I feel like I can rejuvenate and collect my thoughts. I listen to my music and sing along, and don't give a damn what it sounds like or if anyone hears me. It's the part of the day that I can unwind, and decompress.

So today, I made a vow to myself that I wasn't going to eat anymore crappy food. It was a vow I broke at 12:00. I didn't make it past lunch. I started obsessing about fettuccini alfredo at about 8:00 am and it consumed my mind the whole morning. What did I do?? Of course, I got take out from the nearby Italian restaurant. (followed by a bunch of candy--of course) I seriously feel like an alcoholic on a bender, I'm that out of control. I need to go to a meeting or something.

I worked so hard to lose weight 2 years ago, and I feel like I am throwing it all away. The stupid thing is, I haven't even gained that much weight. Just a few pounds, but it's enough to scare me, because I feel the control slipping away from me. I'm not fat. I weigh 127 right now. I wear anything from a size 4 to an 8 depending on how the clothes are cut. I know that there are people who would love to be the size I am. (I hope that doesn't come off as conceited, that's not how it's meant) Why do I treat my body this way? Why can't I love myself enough to take care of me? Is it the stress I've been under lately on the job front? I don't know. If I knew I could fix it.

I also think I've given the wrong impression to people. I say "we're poor." It's not actually the case. It's more my mindset right now. I'm scared with my job being only 4 days a week, and my pay being accordingly at 80% of my normal pay. This is supposed to last until July 1st, but honestly I doubt it will be better then, so I doubt I'll be full time. I'm just a control freak, and I hate that I have no control over this. I am probably the most financially responsible person I know, and this sends me into a tailspin. I look at the statistics regarding the way Americans save, or rather don't save, and I know I'm better off than most people. I have 2- 401(k)s, a money market account, a savings account, and a private stock account. Nick has a great job at the post office that is completely secure. He gets cost of living increases often quarterly. He also gets regular step increases, and contractual increases....so he usually receives about 6 raises per year. I feel lucky for that. I also feel like an ingrate freaking out the way I am because most people don't have it as good as I do, but it's not something I have control over. You can't control your emotions, you can just control how you react to them. Or something like that.

I need to get myself under control. I need to love my body and take care of it. I need to stop pushing down my emotions with food.

Tomorrow's another day.

Struggle

2008-05-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

I've been struggling to make the right food choices for the past 5 days or so. I'm up a few pounds, and I seem to be unable to regain control. I've also been exercising like a fool. I went for a 9 mile walk last night. This morning I did the treadmill for 2 1/2 miles and did another 6 miles after work. From Friday through today, I've walked close to 30 miles. Can you say exercise bulemia?? Yeah, so can I.

Hopefully tomorrow I get myself back under control. I'm not sure what's wrong with me right now.

Dare I say, Spring is here!

2008-05-04T15:10:00.004-05:00

So, the adorable Magnolia tree we planted last fall is blooming! It makes me so happy, and I almost believe we have survived Winter. Here's hoping! All of the trees are 3-4 weeks behind due to what a cold Spring we have had. Hopefully we get leaves on the trees soon! They are starting to bud, so it should be soon!

It's about 70 degrees and sunny today. I wish it would have been this nice yesterday for the Walk. Oh well, I'll take it a day late.

I'm heading out to go for a long walk because I've eaten a lot of naughty things, and need to repent. :)

Walk for Animals

2008-05-03T21:24:00.003-05:00

Today was the 34th annual Walk for Animals to benefit the Animal Humane Society. It's pretty much my favorite day of the year. I absolutely love the walk, the people/animal watching, the snacks, everything about it! You see every kind of pet you can think of, and several you wouldn't have guessed. I've seen dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, ponies, llamas, goats, alligators, hamsters, gerbils, snakes, even a goldfish...although I'm not sure the goldfish was enjoying the festivities in his jar. :) Truth be told, most of the cats I've seen don't seem to be enjoying themselves, either.

I was planning to do a video podcast today, and even bought the flip video specifically for that purpose, but poor planning on my part put the kibosh on that. I failed to bring back up batteries, and the ones the camera came with died. I only got as far as registration before the camera died. So my first attempt at a video podcast pretty much crashed and burned. Oh well, who would think I would succeed on my first attempt! I should have known that the batteries that electronics come with are always junk.

Today was supposed to be cold and freezing rain, but lucky for me, meteorologists are rarely accurate in their predictions! It was sunny and cool. The day started at about 42 degrees when we started walking, and by the time we left it was about 51, so all in all it was pretty nice. I was pretty cold, however. We brought our greyhound Sunshine and she did well, but by the end of the 5 miles, she was dragging. She slept the whole way home, and pretty much the rest of today.

When we got home, I was really tired and cold. I really couldn't seem to warm up, so I laid down in my bed with my jeans and my North Face Windwall polar fleece on, and curled up with my down comforter. I can never sleep with so much clothes on, especially jeans, but the next thing I knew, I was disoriented and confused 3 hours later. I took a really long, hard nap. The kind where you don't know if it's morning or night, and it takes you a while to wake up. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, plus the 5 mile walk, so I was tired.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Yay for day 3 of my blog-a-day challenge!

2 days in a row!!

2008-05-02T16:24:00.002-05:00

Look at me! I rock! You didn't think I'd keep it up, did you? Yeah, me either.

Ok so today I went to Blockbuster video to look at the flip video camera. It's cool, easy to use, and I thought it would be fun to record some of the Walk for Animals tomorrow. So they were on sale for $99.00 and my dear Archerr from Archerradio.com sent me some Blockbuster gift cards that he had gotten with his Coke Rewards. Well, I decided to buy it, and after tax I only paid $50.13!! Woo hoo! How great is that? THANKS ARCHERR! You rock!

And speaking of my Walk for Animals, I have raised $1635.00 online for the Animal Humane Society! I feel really happy about that. This is one of my favorite charities, and one I always give to. They are one of the largest shelters, and they do a lot of cruelty investigations, and they seem to always be the ones to go in and get the animals nobody else will. Most recently they ended up with like 100 purebred labs from a puppy mill. The walk for animals is like my own personal Christmas. It's one of my favorite days of the year. It's so amazing to see tens of thousands of people out walking with their pets to benefit such a great cause. It's also really fun people watching. (and of course the day starts with free donuts! 400 dozen to be exact!)

Otherwise it's cold and rainy here, and will be tomorrow for the Walk. Boo!

:)

Again with the Lemming....can I not have one original thought?

2008-05-01T21:10:00.002-05:00

Okay, okay....I'm getting suckered into the blog a day bullshit for May. There. I did it for today. Happy now? Good! Sheesh! ;)

I'm shocked.

2008-04-19T03:17:00.003-05:00

I really am surprised at how truly hateful people can be. Perfect strangers getting off on making someone they don't know, who's never done anything to hurt them, feel like crap. And then laugh while someone else cries. What sad, pitiful, and terribly empty lives you must lead. Tragic. I don't hate you, I pity you. You have no soul, and nothing to offer the world.

I'm tired, but still digesting the hatefulness of the evening. I need to sleep. I need to purge myself of this night.

I refuse to apologize for having feelings. I won't apologize for having a soul. Your hate lives within you, not me. I won't own your dysfunction. That's not mine.

Because I'm going to hell....

2008-04-07T20:42:00.003-05:00

Ok, I stole this from our listener/pal Bjorn's blog. It makes me laugh....and if it makes you laugh too, then at least I'll have some friends in hell. :)

IPod Shuffle Game (Stolen directly from Walt)

2008-04-06T09:37:00.003-05:00

Ok, so this is a little more lighthearted than my last few posts....and I don't want to drive all of you away completely with my blah blah blah...woe is me bullshit. So here's the deal, put your iPod on shuffle and list the first 12 songs that come up--no matter how embarrassing they may be!

1. Groovy Kind of Love - Phil Collins
2. My Happy Ending - Avril Levigne
3. Electrolite - R.E.M.
4 Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects (this seems to come up in shuffle a LOT)
5 The Last Song -Elton John (this song always makes me cry)
6 How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty
7 Cleanin' Out My Closet - Eminem
8 Unsent - Alanis Morissette
9 The Old Apartment - Barenaked Ladies
10 Santa Monica - Everclear
11 What's The Matter Here? - 10,000 Maniacs (one of my favorite albums of all time)
12 It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M. (Birthday party, cheese cake, jelly bean, BOOM! I love how random the lyrics are to that song.)

So there you have it my 12 in the shuffle.

Depression 1, Holly 0

2008-04-05T16:56:00.006-05:00

Well, to further shit on me, our podcast got another 1 star review in iTunes. I know I shouldn't care, and I've been told to "get thicker skin" but it really hurts my feelings. This one seemed particularly malicious.

I really don't know what to do with myself right now. I've never felt depression like this, and I don't really know how to respond to it.

We were supposed to podcast today, but I blew that. Nessa and Walt were nice about it, as they always are. I sort of feel like I just continually let people down. Most of all myself.

I don't know what to do about work. I've been in the jewelry industry my entire adult life. I know I'm smart and will learn another industry easily, and I'm a buyer, so that translates from one industry to another fairly easily. The thing is, I'll be giving up everything I've known the last 14 years. I'll never see some of my best friends again, once I leave. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true. Some of my best friends I speak with daily and see at conventions etc. I really feel like a part of me has died. A part of my identity has died.

The other thing that is upsetting, is someone I considered a friend is mad at me. I did/said something stupid for which I've immediately apologized profusely, but it doesn't seem to matter. I just don't really have the energy to deal with anything more. I guess if being sincerely sorry isn't good enough, then I can't fix it.

I'm really tired of crying all the time. I'm really tired of feeling sad, scared, stupid, and embarrassed. I'm tired of hating me. It's exhausting.

LOST: My sunny disposition.
Reward if found...I miss it terribly.

I hate

2008-04-04T23:22:00.001-05:00

EVERYTHING in my life.

I'm tired.

I'm depressed.

I feel no self worth.

I just want to withdraw from the world.

Again, I'm a lemming.....it's easier that way.

2008-03-30T10:11:00.018-05:00

This was initially stolen by Walt from Nicole's blog, then Nessa stole it from Walt...now I'm stealing it from all of them. That's how I roll.

Here's the deal, Go to www.photobucket.com type in your answer to the question in the "search" box. You can only use the photos on the first page. Insert them into your blog.

What's your relationship status?

What's your current mood?

What's your favorite band or artist?

What's your favorite movie?

What kind of pet do you have?

Where do you live?

Where do you work?

What do you look like?

What do you drive?

What did you do last night?

What's your favorite TV show?

Describe yourself.

What are you doing today?

What's your name?

What's your favorite candy?

In a funk.

2008-03-25T16:25:00.004-05:00

I got a phone call today. It was my co-worker and friend Melissa calling to tell me that my company announced today that everyone is being forced to take off 1 day per week without pay for the next 3 months. (I love getting crappy news from work on the last day of a vacation, don't you?) In all honesty, I'm not surprised. The economy is in ruins, and my business is luxury. I am positive it won't be any better in 3 months, either. In fact, I would bet it will be worse. Much, much worse.

I'm scared.

When I started in the jewelry industry, there were many jewelry companies in the area. Now there are 2, and I've worked for both. Both are cutting employee hours. (although our competitor is only cutting from 8 hours a day to 7)

I'm sad.

I have to figure out something else to do, because my industry has fizzled due to the economy or moved overseas, and I don't know what other marketable talents I have. I guess I'm going to look locally for jobs as a buyer, or move to New York.

I'm stressed out.

Really???

2008-03-14T22:42:00.004-05:00

Ok, I found this skirt available for purchase on Etsy. Seriously?? Who the hell wants a skirt with a uterus and ovaries on them? Since my surgery last year, I wonder if she'd custom make me one with the left fallopian tube missing?? ;) Nah, I think I'll pass.

Walk for Animals

2008-03-03T16:47:00.007-06:00

This year is going to be my 14th year doing the Walk for Animals benefiting the Animal Humane Society. I usually bring River (my parrot) and whomever else I think will behave themselves. Which means Harvey rarely goes along. It's usually River and Sunshine. I've been doing it so long, that my original walking companion at this event was actually the same "person" who introduced me to the Humane Society, my dog Misty. She walked with me from 1995-1999.

I got Misty 6/4/83. I was 11 years old and that was the day my father left us. He wouldn't let me have a puppy, so the day he left, my mother took me down to the Humane Society to pick out a puppy. As soon as I spotted her, I knew this was the dog I wanted. She was tiny, and adorable. At the time, she was all of 6" long, and looked like a tiny beagle. (Later we would learn she was actually a Beagle/Lab mix, and she topped out at about 50 lbs) There was a family there looking at her and playing with her. The mother in that family told the kids to put the puppy back in the cage, and they would go look at the adult dogs, and come back and adopt her. I saw my chance, and as soon as they put her back, I waited until they were out of sight, and I grabbed my new puppy, and brought her up to the adoption desk. She was $50.00 and I paid with my own money, since we were now going to be strapped for cash with my father gone. She was officially mine.

Misty had been abused, and didn't like men, even though she was only about 12 weeks old when we got her. In her whole life, she met 2 men she ever liked. One was my Grandpa, and one was Nick. She and I grew up together, and she was there for me in a way no one else ever was, or honestly, ever has been since.

She was fiercely protective of me, and would always stand between me and any visitors to our house. She also got between my mother and I, when my mother would get abusive with me. Even when I was an adult and married, and she was a feeble 16 year old dog, she would stand on shaky legs between me and Nick's friend Sean who she deemed a shady character. She would never let anything happen to "her girl." If I went to bed before Nick, she would lay in front of the door to the bedroom, and wait until Nick came to bed, once he came to bed, she must have decided it was his responsibility to protect me, and she would go lay on her doggie bed at the foot of our bed.

I had her from when I was 11 until I was 27. Her body had just given out and I had to make the most horrible decision of my entire life. I had to put my best friend in the whole world to sleep. She had a good, long life, and I will always be grateful to have known her. She was the only constant thing I had in my childhood besides my grandparents. She protected me, and comforted me through all the hard times in my childhood, and I will always miss her.

She is the reason I started doing the Walk for Animals, and the reason I will always do it. To help all the unwanted pets like her, who may just be some one's best friend.

If you want to sponsor me, go to My Personal Sponsorship Page!

Livid

2008-02-24T21:42:00.003-06:00

When I heard this morning that Ralph Nader is running for president again, I was livid. Absolutely fucking livid! He is going to screw up another election. He most certainly isn't going to siphon votes off of the Republicans, just the Democrats. He has no chance whatsoever of winning, so what on earth is his motivation? Delivering us 4 more years of Bush/Cheney type of policy? He IS NOT going to be President no matter how hard he campaigns, no matter how much money he raises. He has no hope. The only thing his campaign can possibly do is ruin another election. I'm sure the Republicans are positively giddy at the prospect of this idiot running again.

This is not very eloquent, but frankly I'm too irritated to put my words down with any intelligence. I really had such high hopes for this election. I want so badly for a Democrat to win. We NEED a Democrat to win. This morning, when I heard about Nader's campaign, I just got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Haven't we already been down this road twice before? This country has barely survived the past 8 years, and we won't survive another 4. We need a Democratic President. I'm afraid for the country. I really, honestly am.

Fancy cat!

2008-02-24T17:28:00.006-06:00

This is Trinket's new fancy collar. I broke down and had to buy it for her on ebay, and it showed up in the mail yesterday. :) How obnoxious is that?? Still, it makes me laugh, and she's the most sparkly, fancy kitty in the whole world! I'll have to get a pic of her wearing it.

Blog Abandonment

2008-02-15T22:57:00.002-06:00

Hi Blog, not sure why, but I've been neglecting you. Nothing new to report. I have a sick new fascination with Applebee's Cheddar Mac n Cheese. I hate Applebee's, but that Mac n Cheese is pretty good. Although I'm kind of a Macaroni and Cheese whore. I love it. Soooo good and comforting. I need to stop taking comfort in food. I'm a 500 lb lady trapped in a 125 lb body!!

Speaking of weight. I don't get clothing sizes. I have a North Face jacket in an XS, and a S. I have a Columbia jacket in a L, and one in a M, I also have a jacket I got super cheap at Old Navy that's a M. How can one person vary between an XS and a L?? I don't get it. And honestly, I'm a fairly small person, how am I a Large in Columbia, and an Extra Small in the North Face?? What is someone who is actually a larger person supposed to do? Weird.

Ok, that's a random and rather stupid tangent, oh well.